BEING LATE

One of the scourges common to businesses and friendships is that of people being late. It's not only disrespectful it's bad in every way possible as it lets others down and stops the smooth flow of life itself. If a cog in a watch no matter how big or small stops then it all stops. Similarly if others place a responsibility upon you as an individual then you either uphold it or be forever viewed as one who can't / won't uphold their part of the bargain. And before those who are late perpetually start to wriggle with annoyance 'blame culture' doesn't hold water either. Yes, there are at times mitigating circumstances where even the most die hard and studious person who always arrives early arrives late one day, but the circumstances pertaining to their enforced late arrival can be counted on one hand and are usually very exceptional. We all know of people who just can't keep to time, perpetually late or last minute or whatever besets or befalls them they just have a list of ready made excuses as to why they "had to do this" or "cut it so fine" as not to allow any safe margin whatsoever so pro-occupied with themselves and their thoughts that what is around is either secondary or less important.


The crucial matter for lateness is not traffic, accidents, weather, invasions from Mars and Venues, it's not even the alarm clock not going off for those that deem they need to be there get there, those that have to be there for whatever reason place secondary importance again on the delivery of themselves as it's a chore more than responsibility.  If one is late for work phoning from the "cell phone / mobile phone" doesn't make it all right, it may show a degree of courtesy should one be able to advise of late arrival but it doesn't admonish the responsibility factor nor does it do anything else - you are late - full stop. There is always a cause for lateness over and above circumstances en-route that one cannot help, illness, bereavement, children, etc, but if children are an on-going common cause that's not acceptable as the world doesn't revolve around your problems and it needs resolution.


The causes of lateness are usually of a psychological nature even if it's perpetually cutting it all too fine and not allowing for delays en-route. Are you happy with your work, or are you happy with the destination that you have an appointment with, even if it's the dentist or a hospital appointment, or an interview or a court appearance or whatever it may be. As a member of the human race you have a responsibility not only to yourselves but those around you too, and that has nothing to do with self concocted ego, arrogance and the 'what's in it for me' attitude for if any of these latter aspects creep into your thoughts you have a problem looming large. You ARE the problem. If you don't like where you work or dread work or dislike those who are at your work it speaks volumes about you and not your work. Understandably it's not always that easy to change jobs especially at certain times where the financial climate is weak and jobs are scarce, but if you respect your income no matter what it is then you should uphold who you are otherwise by default you make yourself worthless and that has very bad connotations that will eventually ostracise you by your own volition from many aspects of life.


 Blame culture, lax attitudes, lack of self respect, negative emotions at the forefront of your mind, small mindedness, pre-occupation with yourself, lack of respect for others, lack of purpose, insularity of mind, lack of focus, lack of priorities, etc are all contributory factors as to lateness especially those who are perpetually late. Lazy environments, i.e.people you work or live within who share the same social banal culture and talk about lateness as a topic, which exists and share their lame excuses and think it's clever. Late arrival usually starts with an apology, think about it, starting anything with an apology isn't good it puts you under par before anything has started and it usually lowers concentration often resulting in a lower performance and hurried thoughts which causes mistakes and lack of concentration. In some areas the smallest of mistakes can cause death or mayhem, just because perhaps your position in life isn't so critical it gives you no leeway to take matters into your own hand. You are paid for what you do not what you don't do.

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SPIRITUAL OSMOSIS

It appears today that more and more people are calling themselves "spiritual" in the wake of "man made religions", Islam getting out of hand and so very unstable, and others not delivering the goods. We don't see any benefits from any of the Gods that these people worship in any way because the basic credential for any believer is for them to believe and they don't. They base their belief on rhetoric and parrot fashion learning and of course fear, rules and regulations that hold back as opposed to encourage. So many people of these religions are full of anger and hatred, the conduit to God is through love and love alone, and evil masking love is like a wolf in sheep's clothing, it produces unrest and more devastation and evil. It is not good enough to "praise God" when things go well and when say "it must be a lesson" when it doesn't, because that's not true and it's make believe, brought about by failure and deceitful preachers who have no more contact with God than a Camel turd. Everyone who believes has contact, those that don't believe don't, you make your choices based upon whatever you feel "floats your boat" but in the end times if you are wrong you're nothing.


We then get the "New Age mob" those that talk about "nice things" but are all screwed up and look perpetually ill. Often seen hovering around health food stores and meetings of the pathetic and lost seeking more stories and information to enhance their journey into weirdness. Lastly, there are those who call themselves "Spiritual" (whatever they think that means) because they pretend not to believe in God (but they do a bit) preferring to believe in some supreme force or energy and they call that the Universe. They often come out with "if you put goodness into the Universe it will pay you back kindly" - where on earth that came from who knows, but then it says a lot about them too. Usually their attitude is whet and ineffectual, being on the fence no opinion one way or another and it i's a cop out between no I don't believe and "just in case" I do, a foot in both camps.

Spirituality is a state of mind, not just a set thought it is an actual state, very few actually have that state to apply their life by and thus the vast majority are just wandering around with a theoretical concept as opposed to something tangible that produces benefits. It fills 'that' box when it states Belief / Religion? Of course being "Spiritual" one must know the route to take, so many see a whimsy version of "Spirituality" as being good and kind and nice and believing in the "universe, etc, all of which is not incorrect. It is like believing in "Superman" sounds good, represents good, but doesn't exist. It is harmless to have 'spiritual' thoughts but it doesn't provide a purpose of merit, in real times of woe goes nowhere fast. In order to gain a "spiritual" access to life and what else it may hold, there must be something of a sincere nature to want it to happen otherwise one will like religion go through the motions talk endlessly about it and be no better off. A bit like having an  Mp3 player that just holds the information and no more.

Life for some, religion makes a world of difference both the parrot fashion brigade who are stoic and dumb as well as the open and true who can feel the access. The power of the mind is really incredible and when one has a belief of unlimited power then the road is always open to endless possibilities without the "wow factor" interfering. Often what scientists seek to know rarely happens as they interject logic en-route which immediately stymies what they are seeking. It's strange that many atheists / agnostics get upset when talking about religion or God (any one) whereas it shouldn't be an interest, like people talking about sport to those that can't stand it. Whatever your beliefs they are yours and it is no one else's business after all if you don't' believe there is nothing to say and if you do believe it's between you and God no one else. Life is about love, God is about love, evil or the devil is about bad, so here we have a commonality at a common level. Evil and killing can't be an aspect of religion otherwise it becomes devil worship, and after all if your God or it's followers kill what is the devil supposed to do other than be pleased that he has more workers afoot?


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©John Rushton / The Life Alchemist 2012
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FOR THE LOVE OF IT

What kind of a person are you? How do you look at life and how do you deal with all the ups and downs that one goes through? Are you a person that enjoys the good times but is a mess when it all goes 'belly up'? Are you a sociable and friendly type of person, someone who is approachable and leaves their own thoughts and feelings aside when others "grate on you" and start talking to you? Are you that affable soul that looks cheerful even when racing away with a hundred different things that need to be done? Can you see the 'bigger picture' predominantly in life as opposed to residing in a narrow microcosm of the narrow mindedness and stilted views? Are you an "all round" "Mr.Nice Guy" or are you touchy, snooty, stupid, selfish, picky, opinionated, not very knowledgeable about food or drink and selective to a high degree, stick to staid views, judgemental, etc, because if you are you will not be alone? Are you outgoing, gregarious, adventurous, or are you moody, insular, choosy, and not knowingly boring, even though you think you are the opposite - but if you are you are not alone? Do you have a good general knowledge of what's going on in the world or predominantly only know which celebrities are sleeping with whom and are in rehab because if that's your lot you are not alone? Do you just go through life or do you make a life, do you bring richness into your life or do you wait for richness whatever that is to enter via someone else- because if you do you are not alone? Do you walk your pathway in life or do you follow everyone else marvelling at what they have done but not  much to show of the self, because if you do you are not alone? Do you think you are loving and compassionate and warm and kind and generous and follow that through outside of the family to others - because if you think that then you are not alone? Do you think that you are intelligent, aware, knowledgeable, worldly, understanding, have social graces, etiquette, (whether you have or not or aspire to have) because if you do you are not alone.

What do you do for love in your life outside of your family, or does it just stop there? Do you even consider love to be an important or intricate part of your life or does it never cross your mind or just think that you are a loving sort of person and that's it? Do you feel that you are compassionate and because of that you are cool with that "smug" feeling that you have that trait so it's all all right? Are you open minded or like to think you are if asked yet deep down you are quite rigid in your thoughts and selective perceptions?  Do you think you should be better than you are or further on in life? Has your life a purpose or do you just live it and have private thoughts as to where  it should or might go? Are your aspirations wholesome or idealistically based upon what you would like to see as opposed to those based upon everyone not just your ideals or whims? What makes you happy, and where does your thought train reside when it comes to possession of material effects and acquisitions? Are you self confident yet not smug nor arrogant and do you ever get intimidated by those who seemingly have more than you or do you like to show off with the few bits that you have already to appease that inner self as to satisfaction and establishment of whom you are? Do you lead or follow, and if so are you happy with either or do you prefer to call yourself entrepreneurial as it sounds good, feels good and encompasses areas that you don't like to think about individually?

The love walk in life is all about us, no one else, the more love we have the lighter life is and the greater understanding we have for everything and the less emotionally involved we get with trivia or problems that are way beyond our control. We also more frequently see the "bigger picture" and don't take offence ever if we are called names or shouted at or whatever it may be, as it says more about the other person / others than ourselves. When things are not so hot knowing that it will get better enables us not to automatically take a ride on the "miserable" coach until it does, we are fine just now - regardless.The more we interact with elements, media, stories about what is not of our concern, the more we allow the "Sponge Effect" to take shape, i.e. we keep subliminally absorbing information that we don't or can't use until we become over full then start to weaken our resolve, we become saturated with trivia at the expense of real concern and love about the things we have authority and control over.   

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©John Rushton / The Life Doctor 2012
(These blogs are read in over 120 countries, if you like what you read please re-send them to others),

THE FEELING OF BEING NEEDED

Our whole stability revolves around who we are as a person and what our value is, that is what keeps us going in a relatively stable way. Loneliness accounts today for much grief, consternation and personal upset in the form that it can make us somewhat disjointed from life, which has psychological implications. Whether we have a significant other or just very good personal friends (real friends not acquaintances) matters not it's how we communicate with them and on what level. Social interaction between others is essential even for those who like to keep themselves to themselves, for being alone is not conducive to a good and rewarding life. As a sentient society we need to commune to share to enjoy and to feel as well as exchange with others aspects of life. In doing so we re-affirm important aspects even if others opinions differs it's the fact that an exchange of conversations that touch us deep down and mean something and that we respect "that" or "those" significant others makes a world of difference. Faced with just ourselves in a world that cares not is akin to an isolation that will eventually cause the mind to be introverted and implode as far as sanity and creativeness is concerned. Ironically many people of a staid and overly religious nature tend to follow in similar pathways harbouring fear, becoming judgemental, rebuking aspects of society with a purposeful and self created venom, start lacking perception, becoming introverted, and all in all become vacuous.

Whatever one's age, the need to be needed to be cared for in as much as someone significant who has an interest in you and your well being even if they can't do anything directly themselves has a massive psychological effect in the way we live. Take this facility away and an almost automatic 'longing' starts to whell up. It varies from person to person but the people who shut themselves off have defined negative points and are often cranky, moodily, intolerable, narrow, spiteful, insular, judgemental,mean, greedy, self defined, etc, to varying degrees. Many people even take on a pet to find solace in life as that pet will give 'unconditional love' something that humans won't do and religious people definitely can't do such is their outlook via their version of God, ironically God being that of unconditional love, strange why that happens. Of course there are ideals in life, get a partner and live blissfully happily ever after, unfortunately that doesn't happen, especially in today's society that when the slightest thing goes wrong it all comes crumbling down as opposed to getting it fixed and enjoying the benefits of a heightened experience in the process. Selfishness and "me" are more of the mark of society today and that puts paid to the base lines in starting something that has longevity written in to it. Many a relationship starts with soiled goods and multiple failures and a wealth of back-up excuses as to why it's never your fault and I did this and they did that and their iPad crammed with help lines on standby to console the selfish soul.

Many put a brave face on their own relationship and well being, often talking of  their 'so called' many friends and acquaintances and those in between too. It's true some people make friends easily others just don't and actually never try, just complain that they are not lucky and it doesn't happen to them, but again they are the cause of that, people still don't come knocking on your door asking if you want a relationship, you have to open it and go out. Even Internet dating sites aren't successful in that a 5% success rate if you are lucky and have to sift through the scammes, liers, cheats, lustful, desperately lonely, weirdos, and those who treat it as an 'on-line sport'. Most successful people have someone behind them who is instrumental be it their partner / friend supporting them getting on and becoming successful. A busy life can help one get on alone, but then when at some point the parameters change there is that 'elasticated effect' when one comes flying back to a nothingness of where yesterday comprised of lots of people all around and today none of them no matter how nice they are don't ring those significant bells within. Our emotional feelings are just so that little things that happen in our life can trigger off thoughts about certain people that we never thought existed or were that deep and can affect us so much.  

One should never spurn the need of another regarding companionship whatever it is for them, even if it's not your idea of such that's not important, it's to each his / her own. The love from one human being to the next is a priceless commodity even if it's your best friend that will do, that's humanity at its best also. Never be afraid of telling someone or people how much they mean to you or how nice they are or whatever complimentary thing you can say. And although some find it incredibly difficult say something just do it and don't fear the worst either. The more you compliment others the better you will feel and the easier it will become and the lighter life will be, even just smiling on a regular basis ups your game in life. There will however be the odd person and they will be odd who can't understand what a good comment is all about or a smile for no apparent reason other than that of a smile from one human being to another. Or those that view kindness or pleasantries as a case of "what do they want from me", but let not others insecurities and patheticness rub off on to you, go your way and smile, be nice and then the hurts which come with the territory will just melt away as the vast majority although they many not say it, will be warmed by your actions. You only have one chance in life, may it pleasant at least.

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©John Rushton / The Life Doctor 2012
 (These blogs are read in over 120 countries, if you like what you read please re-send them to others

HELP WHERE IT IS NEEDED

There's nothing wrong with real honest help when needed, it goes a long way to assisting us in our quest and journey in life. Whether it's financial, gardening, with our IT, knowledge, experience, it matters not, when we need help we need help. Of course help can be sub-divided into what is essential and expedient and what just lightens the load or makes things a bit easier, and the difference can be quite substantial. Help commercially costs and some companies actually make their money on help or support more than the product, a bit like printers where cartridges or at least the branded ones can almost cost the same as the printer itself, all carefully worked out - a sprat to catch a mackerel. Very little in the business world is genuinely free, not that it can be after all there are costs involved but the difference between offering a service and greed is getting far less, and often the service isn't as competent as it once was.

There is the type of help too that's benevolent, that we do to help others or give assistance or offer support because we think that whatever it is is worthwhile or the person / people we support are worthy of our kind deed. Giving is actually very cathartic, not to everyone as the mean see life differently, but the vast majority of the population have strong and endearing feelings about fellow man, even if they don't like some areas of it. Giving actually produces in most people a feeling of well being and it's not always of a financial nature it can be just listening to the plight of someone as well as offering your knowledge and experience in a matter. Those that have 'cold hearts' usually have few if not any friends, and if single end up very lonely. In life everything has repercussions and an action to it that either promotes one's life of demotes it, our choices and decisions do make a difference to the quality of life we enjoy, even if it's at times not that great.

The Western world has for years supported the "third world" much of the funds have made real progress in the lives of many people, but much has be syphoned off to the bureaucratic structures of the respective countries for their own needs, such is life in such places. Where help is often given freely the feeling that it has not been used for purpose makes people feel 'used' and 'abused' where their kindness and generosity has been misplaced. This thought again follows in a service of a product via a manufacturer it's all to do with a quality threshold and why some companies fair better than others. Help is a two way structure, we give help or assistance and in turn at times we need it ourselves even if it's just down to filling our tax forms out, if we are stuck and don't know - we need help, otherwise we could literally do ourselves a disservice in the process.

Some people are generous to a fault, it's a natural trait, others are more discerning, some are even gullible and don't really help because by assisting those that are asking for help it stops them actually getting something really tangible for themselves, such as the lazy and those who just want to take seeing no other option. Then of course there are those who do nothing, their motto is 'I don't ask or take so I don't give', but then that never lasts for long for the moment they require help of great need to them they see another world out there and one which they have been sadly missing out on for so long. The base line for everyone in life is you only get out what you put in, and it may seem from the side lines that that is disproportionate, but at the end of the day you haven't seen what has been nor what is about to happen.

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©John Rushton / The Life Doctor 2012
 (These blogs are read in over 120 countries, if you like what you read please re-send them to others)

FORGIVENESS

Can you or do you forgive, or are you a selective forgiver? Or do you prefer to hold on to what has happened either a deed done by yourself or others done to you so that you have some sort of pathetic validation in your life and to keep it alive justifies a self created penance that holds no virtue. Some people hold on to the past as an excuse for where they are now and thus have well rehearsed speeches to suite all audiences who are gullable enough to listen to them.  But just so that you know what the dictionary definition is below is an explanation that sums it all up, or at least the theory of it:-

Forgiveness is the renunciation or cessation of resentment, indignation or anger as a result of a perceived offence, disagreement, or mistake, or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution. The Oxford English Dictionary defines forgiveness as 'to grant free pardon and to give up all claim on account of an offence or debt'. The concept and benefits of forgiveness have been explored in religious thought, the social sciences and medicine. Forgiveness may be considered simply in terms of the person who forgives including forgiving themselves, in terms of the person forgiven or in terms of the relationship between the forgiver and the person forgiven. In most contexts, forgiveness is granted without any expectation of restorative justice, and without any response on the part of the offender (for example, one may forgive a person who is incommunicado or dead). In practical terms, it may be necessary for the offender to offer some form of acknowledgement, an apology, or even just ask for forgiveness, in order for the wronged person to believe himself able to forgive.

Life is full of wrong doings and more recently a whole plethora of substandard humans who now make the phrase "taking offence" a way of life (usually politically correct nerds), whereas years ago people just got on with life and moved forward. Those who utilise the "I've been offended" scenario do so in the hope others will take notice of them as if it is a justification of some sort for how they think, well who cares. We even have those wanting restitution for things that have been done years ago by different generations in different ideological thought times as they seem to want some kind of kudos for living in the past and not seeing the future. No amount of forgiveness by anyone about the past is going to make any difference except for those who have ego problems, and if you are religious at all it definitely doesn't make any difference as the time lines take care of that. And of course if you are a Darwinian subscriber it matters not as you are a mistake anyway so what of it.

Forgiveness is at times subjective in that one person feels aggrieved about something yet those that have supposedly done whatever it is see nothing wrong. We all know right from wrong and just because masses do something like in the Middle East where forgiveness isn't in their dictionary and live in constant upheaval and oppression then we see the result of it all on a mass scale, something that's only going to get worse. Furthermore if you are one of those that likes to be seen to be open and forgiving and says "I can forgive but not forget" then you are two faced, as that is the backdoor way of saying I can't or won't forgive. Granted we can't forget either but linking those two areas together admonishes the self of any deed pertaining to forgiveness and the thoughts behind it. It has to come from the heart and not smart political rhetoric.

It's not always easy to forgive, especially if the deed was or is very personal, however in order to forgive you have to 'love yourself', and here lies the problem, many people don't especially those again in the Middle East and Asia where love is totally conditional, i.e. if you don't do as we like or we disown you or throw a tantrum or whatever disgracefully selfish act they devise. If you respect whatever God you subscribe to then you should find solace in the fact that 'forgiveness' is a key element in the scriptural doctrine, but usually people tend to omit that in favour of their own narrow selfish and egotistical emotional levels then wonder why the edge of life has been reduced to what it is.

There are a lot of sad and emotionally lonely people out there and one must steer clear of them as they will like a vampire drain you of your energy for their own devises and comfort. They are skilled and apt at doing it like mosquito's biting you, you rarely feel it just the bump afterwards. It's self devised and so you should respect yourself and others by never entertaining negativity nor dwell on the past hurt or keep emotional diaries or check lists that keep being brought up. Whether forgiveness is in order or not, forgive yourself, because holding a grudge hurts you - definitely not the other person or people ever. Don't put yourself into that situation, let go, even if it takes courage to do so, and move on, you will be lighter and free and perhaps for the first time see the bigger picture. Many are actually afraid of "letting go" as they feel if they 'let go' of the years of harbouring hurt and malice that there will be a void within and are frightened as to how that may be filled and what others may perceive of them, all a total lack of self esteem. Love is the answer to overcoming harbouring negativity no matter what is it, but it's an option in that the self can override it, but do so at your peril.

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©John Rushton / The Life Doctor 2012
(These blogs are read in over 120 countries, if you like what you read please re-send them to others)

DEALING WITH THE LIFE YOU'VE GOT

Many people live two lives, the one that they are living currently and an imaginary one that they hypothesise about, the one that's full of "when" and "if" and "at some point" all of which never happens in the way one allows their internal conjecture to materialise. It's full of areas which permits one to be taken out of the 'now' and just temporarily be drawn into a semi-fantasy that consists of an almost "now-plus" scenario with the nice bits added to the present to make it far more enjoyable and perhaps meld with ones ego or degree of arrogance, security in life or even vanity. Whatever it is it is very real to many people especially those striving to make something of their lives, for those that aren't in that situation such thoughts are more possibly residing in the "daydream" scenario. The worse thing that anyone can ever do is to "wish for the future" that something will materialise and then they will catch up and all will be well, well it won't. The only thing that's certain for the future is that it will be there awaiting you, how and what is a totally different matter. The thought process pertaining to this situation is called "Postponing Happiness", in that we strive today for tomorrow.

Dealing with today encompasses every facet of today not just pre-selected areas and thoughts, we live as a totality and as such that brings along with it everything that makes today - today, including happiness, thought, sincerity, fun, warmth, humility, potential and all the rest. Planning ahead doesn't in any shape or form "mothball" the present as if this were the runway for our aircraft to take off for the future. Visionaries are very grounded people they can see from the very place they are possibilities that are literally possibilities or what could be available in the future and the pathway from here to there is part of their ultimate gift, they are not 'cloud heads'. Even if to some their verbiage is a bit "off the planet" that's OK, we don't understand everyone and that's our failing not that of others. If we struggle with the life we have now then we are not magically going to be able to cope with what we wish to happen, if we can't cook, clean, be pleasant now then it's not going to suddenly bestow these abilities tomorrow, even if we employ a cook and a cleaner, we are still redundant souls in those areas. Self "kiddology" is a big let down in life, we don't have to be good at all things and in fact many successful people aren't good at a lot of things other than what they do, but understanding this raises their bar and rounds them up as a competent person hence they make the grade. That's not to say either that many successful people don't have "growing pain" at being able to afford a better lifestyle but don't feel totally comfortable in it.

At times circumstances and situations thrust a degree of weight upon us that we find is almost overbearing and burdensome. Yet that is life and we are all capable of tolerating this weight and dealing with it, as that brings the spring back into our step and makes us far more proficient and ebullient. Dwelling on anything always makes it worse as our minds then turn it into a scenario as it has nothing else to do, no fresh input or additional information so it churns it over and over and by default often allows it to stagnate then it really does become an almost "etched in" problem.  As dull and as boring and as tiresome as the odd daily negative scenario brings to us our positive attitude, if we take away the sighs and moans it makes our task far easier and mentally uplifting in that we then see what we are doing is an accomplishment as opposed to a chore that's got high sides that we have to get over. Life trundles on with or without us, it's what we make of it that makes it enjoyable, and if you have to revert to negative statements as a credential of right now you have almost by default written failure into your future plans.

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©John Rushton / The Life Doctor 2012
(These blogs are read in over 120 countries, if you like what you read please re-send them to others).