THE FEELING OF BEING NEEDED

Our whole stability revolves around who we are as a person and what our value is, that is what keeps us going in a relatively stable way. Loneliness accounts today for much grief, consternation and personal upset in the form that it can make us somewhat disjointed from life, which has psychological implications. Whether we have a significant other or just very good personal friends (real friends not acquaintances) matters not it's how we communicate with them and on what level. Social interaction between others is essential even for those who like to keep themselves to themselves, for being alone is not conducive to a good and rewarding life. As a sentient society we need to commune to share to enjoy and to feel as well as exchange with others aspects of life. In doing so we re-affirm important aspects even if others opinions differs it's the fact that an exchange of conversations that touch us deep down and mean something and that we respect "that" or "those" significant others makes a world of difference. Faced with just ourselves in a world that cares not is akin to an isolation that will eventually cause the mind to be introverted and implode as far as sanity and creativeness is concerned. Ironically many people of a staid and overly religious nature tend to follow in similar pathways harbouring fear, becoming judgemental, rebuking aspects of society with a purposeful and self created venom, start lacking perception, becoming introverted, and all in all become vacuous.

Whatever one's age, the need to be needed to be cared for in as much as someone significant who has an interest in you and your well being even if they can't do anything directly themselves has a massive psychological effect in the way we live. Take this facility away and an almost automatic 'longing' starts to whell up. It varies from person to person but the people who shut themselves off have defined negative points and are often cranky, moodily, intolerable, narrow, spiteful, insular, judgemental,mean, greedy, self defined, etc, to varying degrees. Many people even take on a pet to find solace in life as that pet will give 'unconditional love' something that humans won't do and religious people definitely can't do such is their outlook via their version of God, ironically God being that of unconditional love, strange why that happens. Of course there are ideals in life, get a partner and live blissfully happily ever after, unfortunately that doesn't happen, especially in today's society that when the slightest thing goes wrong it all comes crumbling down as opposed to getting it fixed and enjoying the benefits of a heightened experience in the process. Selfishness and "me" are more of the mark of society today and that puts paid to the base lines in starting something that has longevity written in to it. Many a relationship starts with soiled goods and multiple failures and a wealth of back-up excuses as to why it's never your fault and I did this and they did that and their iPad crammed with help lines on standby to console the selfish soul.

Many put a brave face on their own relationship and well being, often talking of  their 'so called' many friends and acquaintances and those in between too. It's true some people make friends easily others just don't and actually never try, just complain that they are not lucky and it doesn't happen to them, but again they are the cause of that, people still don't come knocking on your door asking if you want a relationship, you have to open it and go out. Even Internet dating sites aren't successful in that a 5% success rate if you are lucky and have to sift through the scammes, liers, cheats, lustful, desperately lonely, weirdos, and those who treat it as an 'on-line sport'. Most successful people have someone behind them who is instrumental be it their partner / friend supporting them getting on and becoming successful. A busy life can help one get on alone, but then when at some point the parameters change there is that 'elasticated effect' when one comes flying back to a nothingness of where yesterday comprised of lots of people all around and today none of them no matter how nice they are don't ring those significant bells within. Our emotional feelings are just so that little things that happen in our life can trigger off thoughts about certain people that we never thought existed or were that deep and can affect us so much.  

One should never spurn the need of another regarding companionship whatever it is for them, even if it's not your idea of such that's not important, it's to each his / her own. The love from one human being to the next is a priceless commodity even if it's your best friend that will do, that's humanity at its best also. Never be afraid of telling someone or people how much they mean to you or how nice they are or whatever complimentary thing you can say. And although some find it incredibly difficult say something just do it and don't fear the worst either. The more you compliment others the better you will feel and the easier it will become and the lighter life will be, even just smiling on a regular basis ups your game in life. There will however be the odd person and they will be odd who can't understand what a good comment is all about or a smile for no apparent reason other than that of a smile from one human being to another. Or those that view kindness or pleasantries as a case of "what do they want from me", but let not others insecurities and patheticness rub off on to you, go your way and smile, be nice and then the hurts which come with the territory will just melt away as the vast majority although they many not say it, will be warmed by your actions. You only have one chance in life, may it pleasant at least.

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©John Rushton / The Life Doctor 2012
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BEING DIFFERENT

Let's start from the beginning, we are all different every single one of us on planet earth, even if we appear similar as twins do, we are different. But being different is also a very subjective thing as many people especially the young and vulnerable want to look or emulate someone else or fear that they don't match up.They have a desire to be "the same" for some reason even though they know they can't be ever. There is today a whole culture of "wanting to have" or "needing to have" sections of the public often educationally low, but not always the case, that companies play on to try and secure sales at any cost, and it is at any cost, despite their PR - which is usually a pack of lies. If it's not a pair of costly trainers or perfume / after shave, or a certain brand, then it's an experience from drinking a super alcoholic drink that will not only get you into the mood but elevate life to a level that you can't imagine, which sometimes happens as they ultimately arrive in casualty having their stomachs pumped and lacerations from a fight or a fall. Something which was not on the night outs agenda. And yet at the same time we read in the self same publications that pour out the "must haves" and the "sameness" packages, articles on "individuality" or "dare to be different" and whilst we all understand the commercial nature of such organs one wonders if those that put it all together indulge in eating their own vomit as a way of being different and the same at the same time.

But moving onwards from all of that, for the majority of people individuality and identity only goes so far, they are neither gifted nor blessed with anything wondrous that separates them from anyone else, or if they are they don't do a thing about it which amounts to the same thing. They only veer forward in stages and in controlled moves for fear of "what others will or might say or think" or that they will stand out too much or whatever it is that will identify them over and above everyone else. There's nothing wrong with this stance at all, if it floats your boat fine, if it doesn't but you've ended up there then there is something within you that's held you back. You don't have to be significantly different to be a wonderful mum or dad or a loving person over and above just who you are. A significant number of people actually get frightened by people who are different often wondering what they may or may not do or say or suddenly jump up and enact something that embarrasses them. Then there are the "followers" those that actually like the zaniness of those that are different as it gives them a buzz and feeds into what they lack themselves, often appreciating the zany company and encouraging it for the best of reasons. It takes all sorts to make a world and it takes everyone to do what they have to do and be a part of life's rich pattern and understand same. There's no getting away from the fact that we attract those similar to ourselves or those who we feel comfortable with us even if they are not the same because we appreciate too their inner sincerity.

Whether it's good to be different or not is something else, many in the media literally create "being different" and have a back up flotilla of serfs and hangers on who are paid to inflate whatever they do. But really different people are just that and don't often think themselves as such because they have always been like that, it's just at certain times in life they have the opportunity to "go for it" big time and that enhances and often nourishes their inner being at an opportunity arising. Being different for some can be a nightmare for others it's just par for the course but most people actually like being different even if they are not readily understood or are viewed warily. Communication problems often develop with those deep thinkers and at times are as such viewed as "funny" or a bit eccentric or even a bit of a novelty as there is a loss of mind transference from original thought to the transcended or delivered thought.

Being different often raises points and issues that spring to mind in our current daily lives that others either never see nor feel the need to identify with as the message is either too deep or doesn't have a baring upon how they think in general. Furthermore most people who are "different" to a substantial degree can often see into others thoughts and conversations which can at times unease people as to their minds being read, which is not always the case, but what we say subliminally and don't often realise is that our delivery sets many tones about us and the content of conversation over and above the pure sentence at conversational level. People who are different by nature not by design often can appear slightly "out of it" or "aloof" at times, as if their minds were elsewhere and even appear a little "dippy", which is a relatively common trait, yet totally inoffensive. Being different can also happen as an act of life through injury or illness and similarly ones stance changes as one comes to terms with life from a different perspective and understanding often it actually heightens all previous perspectives and views and levels of compassion. Wherever one resides it makes no difference in that we have to do what we have to do, and that's when we make our mark on life and that's where most people excel, whatever excelling is to each individual.

For more www.thelifedoctor.info
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©John Rushton / The Life Alchemist 2012