WHEN OUR ASPIRATIONS DON'T COME TRUE

We start off in life with few dreams other than what's on our mind in the immediate future, we know in reality very little so our minds aren't cluttered up with endless possibilities, options or the material values of life. We know what love is but we rarely know what it is called, we don't know what respect is to a large extent and similarly don't understand what disrespect is, but we know what we want or think we what and definitely don't want. In short we are immature, everything we think is a very limited knowledge of life and what our parents have taught us or we have picked up on, so that can explain a lot as to how we think and act. As we get older our minds develop and our aptitudes also likewise form a complex understanding of our abilities, thoughts, intelligence, common sense and ideas as to how we personally would like life to unfold. We often have at least a two pronged version of life ahead, an ideal version and a version that incorporates reality to a very basic degree, however for some the dividing line is very narrow.

Life is a learning curve and sometimes that curve is vertical such is the lesson or lessons that we are confronting and trying our best to sort out. In fact at times so much is happening all at once that we often take a back seat and wonder what it's all about and that will things ever be the same or even just get better. But they do, we struggle or muddle onwards, we come through it all. Some seemingly come through the dark areas quicker than others, but there is usually a reason for this and there is usually something within the self that helps us along or hinders our pathway, attitude being one of the biggest pluses or minuses in our mental conditioning. Dwelling on the problem stop us seeing the solution, telling all and sundry about the state of our life can in effect give it gravitas in as much as it makes it into an even bigger episode and thus we now have to deal with a 'monster' we have created in our mind and try to give updates to those unfortunate ones that are silly enough to listen.

Disappointment shouldn't be an entity in our lives, it shouldn't be a weight that bears down upon us and stifles our creativity or zest to go forward. It shouldn't end up as a regret, nor should it be viewed as any kind of failure, in fact the reality is that all the really great people who have made a difference have failed endless times in their quest to reach whatever it is they were trying to attain. Very few indeed had help either, they were scorned by not only onlookers who were either sceptical or jealous but their own negative families who were in themselves dull, boring and uneventful in their own outlook. Many a person has set out in life to do one thing only to end up doing something completely different and a million miles away from their original thoughts.

As we travel life's high road we are exposed to many people, events and situations that offer opportunities that are way beyond our thoughts and feelings, these often stimulate areas within that laid dormant for many years and possible never ever been evaluated so we have never acted upon same. It doesn't matter what time of life we start something, it's immaterial we need to follow our pathway and not the bystanders pathways who are always full of negativity. We must never ever ask advice from anyone who has an aspiration less than our own, no matter who they are, their answers will be full of their own fears and insecurities. There is but one way in life and that is forward, regrets amount to nothing, wrong pathways account for experience and inner personal desire is ours and ours alone. We must always surround ourselves with positive people as they will want you to succeed even if they are not quite sure what it is you are doing, their sole energy however is love based, and that is enough for success. We must keep an open mind at all times even if we have a defined goal because if we are too rigid then opportunities that become available will float by to those who are more receptive and that enhance areas that we have never even thought about. It's good to be strong and persevere but at the same time expedient to be open to what we don't know which amounts to far more than we do know and there lies the success quotient.

When our original aspirations come to nought or don't materialise in the way we would have liked then it's time to review everything about us and around us. It's not to say downscaling or moving on or changing tack. Life is to be enjoyed come what may and the journey has to be enjoyed too, for if we put off enjoyment until our goal has been reached then it's all far too late and the moments en-route have been lost and if they are lost life is lost or at worst wasted. Not everything will become what we want it to be and we can't compare either, that doesn't hold water, neither does the thought of "it's not fair", etc. We are the masters of our ourselves whatever transpires, and thus we need to be at one with life as it has to be lived, enjoyed, laughed at at, kicked into shape. put into place and when we end up at the finish line all exhausted we can say "what a journey" with peace of mind and a restful heart. Many become successful (and that's subjective)  only to have had no life en-route and they tend to forget the bad times enjoying only what's left. Make sure that whatever happens you enjoy every moment you can as it can't ever be repeated.

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©John Rushton / The Life Alchemist 2012

FORGIVENESS

Can you or do you forgive, or are you a selective forgiver? Or do you prefer to hold on to what has happened either a deed done by yourself or others done to you so that you have some sort of pathetic validation in your life and to keep it alive justifies a self created penance that holds no virtue. Some people hold on to the past as an excuse for where they are now and thus have well rehearsed speeches to suite all audiences who are gullable enough to listen to them.  But just so that you know what the dictionary definition is below is an explanation that sums it all up, or at least the theory of it:-

Forgiveness is the renunciation or cessation of resentment, indignation or anger as a result of a perceived offence, disagreement, or mistake, or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution. The Oxford English Dictionary defines forgiveness as 'to grant free pardon and to give up all claim on account of an offence or debt'. The concept and benefits of forgiveness have been explored in religious thought, the social sciences and medicine. Forgiveness may be considered simply in terms of the person who forgives including forgiving themselves, in terms of the person forgiven or in terms of the relationship between the forgiver and the person forgiven. In most contexts, forgiveness is granted without any expectation of restorative justice, and without any response on the part of the offender (for example, one may forgive a person who is incommunicado or dead). In practical terms, it may be necessary for the offender to offer some form of acknowledgement, an apology, or even just ask for forgiveness, in order for the wronged person to believe himself able to forgive.

Life is full of wrong doings and more recently a whole plethora of substandard humans who now make the phrase "taking offence" a way of life (usually politically correct nerds), whereas years ago people just got on with life and moved forward. Those who utilise the "I've been offended" scenario do so in the hope others will take notice of them as if it is a justification of some sort for how they think, well who cares. We even have those wanting restitution for things that have been done years ago by different generations in different ideological thought times as they seem to want some kind of kudos for living in the past and not seeing the future. No amount of forgiveness by anyone about the past is going to make any difference except for those who have ego problems, and if you are religious at all it definitely doesn't make any difference as the time lines take care of that. And of course if you are a Darwinian subscriber it matters not as you are a mistake anyway so what of it.

Forgiveness is at times subjective in that one person feels aggrieved about something yet those that have supposedly done whatever it is see nothing wrong. We all know right from wrong and just because masses do something like in the Middle East where forgiveness isn't in their dictionary and live in constant upheaval and oppression then we see the result of it all on a mass scale, something that's only going to get worse. Furthermore if you are one of those that likes to be seen to be open and forgiving and says "I can forgive but not forget" then you are two faced, as that is the backdoor way of saying I can't or won't forgive. Granted we can't forget either but linking those two areas together admonishes the self of any deed pertaining to forgiveness and the thoughts behind it. It has to come from the heart and not smart political rhetoric.

It's not always easy to forgive, especially if the deed was or is very personal, however in order to forgive you have to 'love yourself', and here lies the problem, many people don't especially those again in the Middle East and Asia where love is totally conditional, i.e. if you don't do as we like or we disown you or throw a tantrum or whatever disgracefully selfish act they devise. If you respect whatever God you subscribe to then you should find solace in the fact that 'forgiveness' is a key element in the scriptural doctrine, but usually people tend to omit that in favour of their own narrow selfish and egotistical emotional levels then wonder why the edge of life has been reduced to what it is.

There are a lot of sad and emotionally lonely people out there and one must steer clear of them as they will like a vampire drain you of your energy for their own devises and comfort. They are skilled and apt at doing it like mosquito's biting you, you rarely feel it just the bump afterwards. It's self devised and so you should respect yourself and others by never entertaining negativity nor dwell on the past hurt or keep emotional diaries or check lists that keep being brought up. Whether forgiveness is in order or not, forgive yourself, because holding a grudge hurts you - definitely not the other person or people ever. Don't put yourself into that situation, let go, even if it takes courage to do so, and move on, you will be lighter and free and perhaps for the first time see the bigger picture. Many are actually afraid of "letting go" as they feel if they 'let go' of the years of harbouring hurt and malice that there will be a void within and are frightened as to how that may be filled and what others may perceive of them, all a total lack of self esteem. Love is the answer to overcoming harbouring negativity no matter what is it, but it's an option in that the self can override it, but do so at your peril.

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©John Rushton / The Life Doctor 2012
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THE MIND GREMLINS 2

Isn’t it funny how fickle we are as human beings, our great strengths, courage, determination, our phlegm, our verve, our steadfastness, our resolve and all the other superlatives that we can think of, yet the moment something goes wrong, down it all comes crashing like a pack of cards. The endurance of the human being is legendary amongst the species of life forms that roam the earth, we’ve conquered, created, built, devised, produced and still behind that robust and elegant facade is ‘us’, the real ‘us’ the bit that thinks and feels and laughs and cries.

Our minds are what we fill them with but our minds are also filled with the thoughts of others most of which has nothing to do with us what so ever. We can even take on the mantle of sayings and feelings that our parents repeated to us when growing up, and some parents were not only negative but literally cruel in their ignorant delivery of what they said, or still say. These subliminal thoughts which lie within us can greatly affect who we are and how we get on in life. If we come from a strong positive family background then we tend to be that type of person, if we come from a weak and pathetic parental background then that’s how we will also tend to be, although we always have the option of breaking free, never make that an excuse, unless you are a parrot.

But regardless of whom we are and where we emanate from we are still whom we are in terms of how we are “hard wired” and the way we think and feel is always peculiar to ourselves. Our little foibles, idiosyncrasies, likes, dislikes, fears, phobias, aspirations, feelings, and all the little bits and pieces that makes us individuals in the grand order of life and humanity. Many people have a very “switchable” attitude in life in that when everything is going well they feel fabulous and that the world is a wonderful place and if you believe in God, that God is good and great, like when winning a race you thank God for that deed. Yet just as quickly when life takes a tumble and a turn for the worst everything becomes unfair, miserable, and unjust and God’s nowhere to be seen or worst case scenario thoughts reign in the “he wants us to go through” these things scenario, which is stupid. We can fool ourselves as long as we like but the bottom line in life is life is as it is and it’s full of contradictions and twists and turns and there are no guarantees or equalities nor fairness clauses other than what man has put into place himself, and that varies enormously all over the world, and is not that fair anyway.

The default side of living in a technological age is that we are recipients of the technology we create for ourselves become ‘hooked’ upon what’s available and the things we can do or utilise for our own enjoyment, so we lose often the ability to create our own stability. We lap up “hype” from emotionally and creatively driven stories and copy designed by the fickle themselves who seek to turn what is in reality mundane and has little purpose into something of hollow value with a glitter facade. Our positive mental health is paramount to living a good, fun packed, emotionally stable, loving and caring life, so the moment that is compromised then everything starts to falter within, it’s that simple. How we deal or come to terms or adjust to the changes in our life is paramount to how quickly we can get back on course and enter ‘life’ once again free from the doldrums and self created emotional gloom and the feelings of lowness which often prevails.

Whatever happens to us in life it is processed within our minds, tablets, booze, weirdo stuff, etc won’t change how we think or feel, although keeping healthy and active tends to revitalise sluggish thoughts and feelings and keeps our bodies in prime condition, all has a positive effect in more ways than just agility.  Our body is holistic in nature it needs all the parts to work to optimum performance so if any don’t and we don’t do anything about it, our own self abuse isn’t going to help us on our way to a better state in life.

When we get pushed into a corner and see little way out or circumstances of a negative nature loom large we often retort to self withdrawal, wanting “space” and “time to think” which is fine for a short spell, but once it overflows into days and possibly weeks and even longer then withdrawal symptoms start to manifest themselves as the mind isn’t getting the stimuli and mental nourishment it needs to work efficiently. Cocooning oneself isn’t an answer nor is it a solution it’s more like opting out with excuses than anything else. Our level of happiness and composure in life comes from within, being dramatic and telling all about your problems makes it worse as it gives it gravitas and fuels feelings of sympathy which in themselves have no value or strength.

The mind gremlins come out to play the moment we are feeling low, they just love the negative vibe they get from our own self created morose feelings and gross indecisive thoughts. The more we feel sorry for ourselves, the more we feel pitiful the more they love it, they jive to unrest, they boogie to indecision, they funk to panic, they waltz to hysteria, and they rave to restlessness,  and if self sorrow comes into play and feelings of “why me” (why not?), then they have an almighty ball. Those negative thoughts and words that flit and fly around your mind, the inner mental pep talks about how it will get worse and there’s no way out, and regurgitating all of the past and spreading it out, reliving it again and again, wallowing in your little faults, making mountains out of molehills, what a time they have feeding on what you are giving them yourself, a veritable banquet of dark mental detritus.

Our capacity to overcome and regain our composure is great and it’s within all of us to forge ahead to better things no matter what has beset or befallen us, we are the masters of who we are and our own destiny as well as keepers of our own happiness. The moment we admonish any of these on to conditions outside of our control then we have literally lost the plot as well as the ability too. Whilst others may be able to assist us, where outside circumstances may aid us, our life is still within us and it’s there until we die, how we utilise it for the better is solely down to our own creativity within. Honesty rather than fantasy or just plain “wishing and hoping” is a grounding experience because what we literally have we can use, what we wish for is forever illusive. There is no kudos in negativity encompassing emotions and feelings of self pity, it only tends after a while to whittle our self resolve down to a moment when we lose the desire and ability at which point untold mental conditions start to manifest themselves within the body.       

Of course the mind gremlins have friends, anger, frustration, lack of humour, a short temper, irritability, irascibility, grumpy, touchy, greed, envy, fear, selfishness, etc and whole host of other like minded acquaintances that you probably know only too well. Unfortunately whilst you’re concentrating on these life starts to pass you  by then you wonder why things are getting worse, even though you are the instigator of it all, it’s short sighted and selfish but it’s all been chosen by yourself so no one really wants to hear about it. There’s nothing like turning the chemical imbalance within your body to something other than it should be then wonder why you don’t feel well or you manifest lots of minor ailments that never develop but never the less reside at the initial stages such as sniffing and flu symptoms, rashes, mild hyperventilation, indigestion, itching, mood swings, irregular sleeping disorders, sweaty palms, headaches with sore spots, and lots of other self generated goodies. Yes this is all your doing, your mind is so fantastically great you’ve chosen to unleash it’s power of self destruction and given up your ability to enjoy life.

We must at all times be in charge of who we are and that literally means when we don’t feel like it too, we still must be in charge and not let loose the mind gremlins that say nasty things to us and try and bring us down with feelings of insecurity and failure and loss and lack and all the other stuff that they feed upon. They are the failures not ourselves, they are the ones that need help not us, they are the ones who we have given permission to roam freely within our minds, and we know how to stop it too.  If you believe in God you have a way out, if you don’t just be positive and fight the infiltrators with stuff they don’t like, love, happiness, positivity, greatness, laughter, not giving in, success ahead, those are our friends we have who are our soldiers and fight for us, the ones who bring us success and a life that we need to enjoy. We all have "Mind Gremlins"  and when at times they come out to play, just rest in the knowledge that you have already won the race, despite outside circumstances, feel secure that life will be good and great and just because you possibly can't see it, it's there, just like electricity and air. Now concentrate on sleeping in the knowledge that positive change is always there.

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©John Rushton / The Life Alchemist 2012

An excerpt from “THE MIND GREMLINS?”, part of a series on Emotions…   (CD available)