HAVING AN AFFAIR

The last time I wrote something on the topic "Affairs" I had the highest number of blog hits ever and still it's getting read and still I get correspondence from it. The many years I've been travelling around the world in my professional capacity I have been got at / approached / boldly faced / cornered / set up / asked out to dinner /enticed to pool parties / weekend homes / enticed into situations or just a corner where people have to tell me about the affair they have had or the "fling" that they have had. It weights so heavily that they go to great lengths to want to tell all and at times it's all on for them to stop them telling me the whole gory details, and yes some actually have DVD's of the whole thing too. It was almost a "Father Confessor" role by default which one shudders at. And with modern technology imagination is left uncompromised it's there in all its glory, although it's something I don't need to see to be conversant with what's just happened or indeed still going on. The trails on mobile devises are the foods Divorce Lawyers or newspapers feed upon.  Many people are quite reticent about discussing their story and details but feel that for their sake they just must tell someone otherwise it's too much to bear to live with for the rest of their lives. The bottom line is that over 90% of people who have had an affair have deeply regretted it, and still years after have within them guilt that they either can't shift or just frightened that they will blurt out something pertaining to it and ruin what they have got. I still have thoughts to this day from certain prominent people that "I wish they hadn't told me that", but they did such is their desire to 'cleanse' themselves of the endless thoughts about it all.

There are cultures and ethnic groups that are known for having affairs but then it tells on their culture that it never actually gets very far because of it. Society has "moral values" and regardless of what ones personal opinions are on that subject, it generally makes a great deal of difference when it comes to family life, trust, respect, education, perception by other people and the future generations that have little self esteem as there was none or little in the home life. When that breaks down crime rises in all areas. The biggest trust bond that people ever make as a rule is that when they have a committed relationship, not the one where you just shack up together because you like each other, the sex is great and it's convenient - for a while. It's the committed relationship whereby you love your partner so much you want to spend the rest of your life with him / her regardless of your job or current circumstances. Anything less always leads to less hence many people in the media are born failures where relationships are concerned.

Most affairs start because they can, we are always going to meet someone somewhere at some point in some situation in our lives that's going to raise a sparkle and renew who we were or bring out what was either dormant or possibly thought lost. The heart starts to beat like no tomorrow and the adrenalin and everything else just elevates the whole sensual system in the body including the mind that ones outlook is taken beyond the present to something more palatable even if it's all transient and ends up quite the opposite. Affairs are not just the confines of sluts, lonely people of a certain age or loose morals, they can happen to anyone anytime, even the most sedate person has feelings and at times our whole mind structure is in need of 'something' to enhance from what is to what should be as the self seems almost oblivious of how to affect such a change. Affairs are deceitful there's no getting away from it, it's often not pre-meditated nor is it engineered other than locating a base for the liaison and at times it's not even the sexual conclusion that's the bit that causes the excitement it's actually meeting someone in an almost clandestine way and being able to communicate and importantly laugh which is just so therapeutic. Most affairs start when laughter is no longer an aspect of life, it doesn't mean that love has flown out of the window but real laughter and a sharing of each other has become robotic and that's when those inner stirrings start to rise often subliminally. However you may be the actual cause yourself of your own affair and as to why this situation has arisen so don't jump to conclusions and immediately blame your partner.

We all know the consequences of what an affair can do even if we have never entertained that aspect of life ourselves. Some get over it, some never get over it and some just go on endlessly like headless chickens wandering aimlessly thinking about that 'other' person out there who is better than the current one. Completely selfishly orientated and never able to give of them selves, always holding back for something better which never materialises. But in our world of "all about me" there is no such thing as "they / he / she made me do it", you did it via your own thought process, and there is no back up to justify it whatsoever (if you don't like the relationship get out of it). There are no counsellors, coaches, shrinks or whatever that will properly justify your action to make you feel better. Whatever you have done you have done on your own, the first touch, the first kiss the first moment of sex it was you who did it no one else did it on your behalf. Unless you make a habit of gross infidelity - and some do - then if you don't face up to it you will forever reap the rearing of unsavoury after effects by always being on your guard and it will show when you are nervous or with other people. Your life is in your hands, your partner failures are your judgement not theirs, if you have endless failures YOU are the common denominator in every one no one else. Always looking for something better will guarantee that you'll always be on the edge in life and as soon as the shine starts to dull, that will be your Achilles heal.
(Part 2 to follow - soon)....

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©John Rushton / The Life Doctor 2012
(These blogs are read in over 120 countries, if you like what you read please re-send them to others)

SOFT INTELLIGENCE

No matter who we are we like to think we have an edge somewhere in life on some topic no matter what it is, whether it's gardening, politics, car maintenance, cooking, football, the list is endless. That single topic may be our only claim to fame but it's never the less important to us as it has an inner ambiance that resonates every time the subject comes up and it stimulates those areas pertaining to it. Outside of that topic (or those topics) we do what we have to do to get on in life, it's sometimes a world away from our hearts desires but we do it and often quite proficiently too and it pays our way to us doing what we can afford. It's not a totally satisfactory situation but it works and often where our real stimulus lies isn't an area where we can in all reality work, even if at times we see others who are almost incompetent working in such areas. The workplace market today as it is and many of whom are currently working in certain sectors are increasingly changing their jobs mid life to something that they have never done before. And there are companies who are not only willing to take on such people but because from past experience they know if those who love what they do have a chance to do it, they often excel where those who do it through necessity just plod along. However, the reality is there aren't still that many companies willing enough to venture via this route and the mechanics within companies are so staid and narrow and straight laced that for then it's a step too far.

The work force splits into two areas leaders and followers, it can further be broken down into those who can not only work on their own but are willing and have an inherent knowledge as to going it alone, and those who have very similar attributes but need to be employed and have someone else do the background paper work. There's no better or worse in this as it's the brain power that's the operative product and not the 'modus operandi' and that's the difference only. However for very advanced thinking views of life take on a whole new meaning in that personal perception is often far in excess of that of those who are in recruitment be it in house or the commercial variety, and gross misunderstanding and perceptions is often a terminating factor of 'brilliant or even good minds' being constantly turned down. Whereas those who are 'lesser' in knowledge often get jobs because their intellect isn't so far advanced and everyone can understand them more easily. This is the "easy" or "hard" option in life for many shunted around at the immature and inferior discretion of others.

The bottom line however is very straight and forthcoming in that those who have "above average" intelligence in an area of life not necessarily coupled with life skills nor common sense have at their finger tips a whole plethora of work which they would have done for themselves as that would be their personal credential. For without that life and what you are thinking revolves solely within your mind and therefore is oblivious to anyone else, no matter who they are. Artists have to paint, writer have to write, cooks have to cook, inventors have to invent, and so it goes on, they just have to do it and put down or do what excites within. It's this portfolio that eventually makes the grade and overrides the setbacks and negative comments from the uninitiated and pathetic to those who oppose your whole ideas often just for the sake of it, and the lowest denominators in life - critics. We all have a degree of intelligence and often super intelligent people are in reality plodders even if at a high level of understanding. It's where like for like cross currents meet and form an eddy or whirl pool, intelligence and perceptive ability in a certain field meld to form a reality that's more often than not above what many can understand or even wish to understand as it's baffling for them to say the least or even uncomfortable.

Humans can be quite cruel when it comes to making a decision based on areas in which they feel threatened or not totally at liberty to enter into because they know it's beyond them, even if they understand the gist of it all. They also don't like to ask for help either in many cases and hypothesise bringing into the scenario a whole list of obstacles and credentials that are in reality nothing to do with the subject in question, but just to justify their own failings and decisions that they put to other underlings who don't understand either but agree because they can't or daren't question what is also beyond them. The good news is that eventually those that press on supersede the underlings, the failures and gatekeepers of society as they gently rot away not being wanted by anybody and then realising how many lives they potentially screwed up and what assets they could have employed to their credit. The truth will out in the end as it always does, it's just stamina and will power that in the long run conquers the idiots in-between.

For more : www.thelifedoctor.info
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©John Rushton / The Life Doctor 2012
(These blogs are read in over 120 countries, if you like what you read please re-send them to others).

SECOND GUESSING LIFE

We all like to get on in life, to think we are the masters of what we want to do and where to go etc, yet how many people let themselves down by trying to foresee events and situations and read the thoughts of others only to thwart their own plans for no other reason. We have around us even in our own families grumpy people, opinionated people and we can even have friends who are like that, it all stems out of both narrow mindedness and again that area called selfishness. The area that's "all about me" and if it isn' then I'm not going to be happy and what's more I'm going to tell everyone as well. It even happens in companies too, you can't do this or that or it will upset so and so, well, let it, what divine presence are they bestowed with that others aren't? Nothing what so ever it's all been created by themselves for themselves and the only reason it's gotten this far is that everyone has allowed it to happen. Like political correctness, it doesn't exist in law it's only the pathetic that find it's a place to hide and try and gain some kudos, whereas it makes everyone look small and insular.

Schools should teach people to make their own way in life far better than they do, it's great to learn about writing, reading and maths, plus all the other life skills and knowledgeable areas, but if we are frightened to do anything it's all come to nothing in the end and produces a whole array of negative areas and psychological events that after a while subliminally affect us, sometimes to great detriment. It can affect our own self esteem and our ability to not do as well as we could do, especially at the impressionable ages. The classic scenario of this was the black migration from Chicago to New York and vice versa years ago where many black families prayed upon their own children for doing well, as if it made the children seem better and the families not as good, so the children had to leave to be free. And whilst it worked well, in as much as the children did well it's definitely not an ideal start in life having to leave home or your own town or city just to get on. Being able to fight back, metaphorically can be am amazing and liberating experience, and once and for all put those 'cloth heads' who impose a self status of grandeur (or inferiority with ego) back into the sorry state they deserve to dwell in or perhaps see the light themselves and become anew at their enlightened knowledge.

Too few people have the self ability to challenge and that applies to management in companies too to equalise the status quo and give respect back to everyone, and not allow some to reside with a self devised pomp and stature which is definitely not deserved nor has any credence or credential. It used to be that many Asian families has demarcation lines and endless duties and "things" that couldn't be said or done otherwise someone somewhere would get upset and start to perform an anger ritual of gross selfishness and endless winging, it still exists but less now. Of course if someone imposes whether it's within the family or work or even with strangers an autonomy of grandeur then it's a mixture of abject selfishness and a lack of self esteem, and it's very easy to eradicate it, because once such people are toppled they are but putty in your hand, worthless entities and shown up for what and who they are and have then absolutely nothing to substantiate themselves anymore.

For more : www.thelifedoctor.info
FREE "E" Book : www.the-alchemy-of-life.com
© John Rushton / The Life Doctor 2012

THE ENERGY WITHIN

Life comes in cycles, however each cycle is quite different in that the substance of life in between the last cycle has changed considerably more so now as technology is coming on leaps and bounds even in just the space of a year. We look back and laugh at the 60's and what people wore and the technology, similarly the 70's and 80's and now it's all of a melding of retro and futuristic mixed with nostalgia and tradition all stirred together in a pot of life to produce items and experiences to hopefully elevate our lives. It's this surge of advancement that has left so many people bereft of love, understanding and potential for the future. It's this homogenising of society and within it a breakdown never experienced before of terrorism, which is predominantly Islamic, cultural breakdown, politically correct stupidity, and an unease with young people as to what life is all about causing unrest and for the less intelligent street gangs.

One can see especially on the Internet that there are springing up a whole plethora of groups / individuals / organisations / societies that are keen to put us in touch with our 'higher selves', whatever that is, maybe it's something a bit kinky like a mirror on your bedroom ceiling so you can see yourself at a higher position, who knows? Whatever it is these people have no more connection with life or any other entity or energy than yourselves, even if they have a more calmer outlook, that's self control more than any divine power or knowledge, and there's nothing new here. There is a market however for relaxation and some companies actively engage in this, most are understandably city based as it costs money but never the less it's out there. The companies that indulge in office massage techniques by outside firms are very few and far between and overall it solves nothing, it's just putting a plaster on the problem. Whilst massage can be very beneficial it doesn't solve the root cause as to why everyone has gotten so hyper in the first place. But when finance and ignorance and PR come together, ineptitude is often the resultant and shows considerably as such.

There is without a doubt considerable energy around us both natural and man made. We all know of static electricity when we get a shock from touching something or our sweaters crackle at times when we take them off. Our mobile devices receive energy in the form of radio signals to make and receive our calls as does our sat nav, tv and a whole host of other things like our auto car lock, and TV controls, we just can't get away from it. And from recent disasters we know of high levels of radiation too that whilst we can't see it have devastating consequences especially over time with regards mutating our genes etc. So we need to be selective as to what we call up and try to access with all this "higher self" and "consciousness" and "spirituality", as there are many quacks and charlatans and weirdo's out there who have lost the plot before they have even started. Many on the weird scale from 1 - 10 have already hit the 8 mark if not some beyond 10.

There is also a satanic energy out there and that is very real and many have succumbed to it inadvertently in the search for "higher things" whatever that is to the individual. There are also many religions that are evil based and although they talk of love and goodness do no such thing when it comes to 'walking the walk', the followers never have good things from their God but endless misery and it shows mega-time. Everyone who believes is precious about their faith not wishing to understand that if it isn't real what's left, that's only something that they can come to terms with themselves or feel that what's currently on offer doesn't work but daren't change, it's back to fear again. Fear is the antithesis of love, but believing that is something else as so many are used to thinking fear.

It's not to say that many who go on courses to find their "higher self" don't get some benefit, we can all learn at any age, although many of the people who attend these courses are 30+ and single and predominantly female, but not exclusively. Loneliness and isolation and sadness and mild depression often get confused with the thought that life holds more but it just can't be accessed so therefore it must be of a "high energy" etc, which is rubbish. It's also that elusive feeling that there are 'secrets' out there that have the answers and accessing your "higher self" or whatever it is you want to access will bring one much closer to the reality of happiness. It won't ever, even if one enjoys the experience of learning and meeting like minded fellow lost souls to exchange views and aspects of getting older more cranky and still lonely, if nothing else it passes the time. Our own energy levels are directly related to whom we are as a person, so our physical and mental health are what we make them by and large. Going "overboard" is almost as bad as doing nothing in that we get out of one encumbrance and shift to another, so in the end we end up with a slightly different but contrite perspective that gets us no further or at least see that what we have done still hasn't quelled the inner pang for that illusive 'higher self' which you have already, but if you could actually access it - then what? You haven't a clue?

For more www.thelifedoctor.info
Free "E" Book : www.the-alchemy-of-life.com
©John Rushton / The Life Alchemist 2012

FAILED RELATIONSHIPS

The incidence of mental unrest in relationships is at an all time high, it matters not what religion you subscribe to, what doctrine you wish to understand nor where you live, although that has other effects upon your thought patterns. In life there is one common denominator and that is yourself, so if you have failed at many things time and time again including relationships then you are the point of commonality in the whole thing. Don't blame circumstances, situations, conditions, or 'it just didn't work out', etc, you are the common denominator in the whole shebang. There's none of this "well you're lucky" or "I just don't seem to meet the right people" it doesn't exist. What you did, find, enacted upon, joined into, might have been wrong, flawed, incorrect, etc, but you went into it, and seemingly have done so time and time again. How, why, is another matter but taking the leap into doing what you did for it to fail yet again outlines to everyone else that somewhere down the line there isn't that intelligent connection that's seeing possibilities which come to light as if almost in a recurring manner. Not dissimilar to the "battered wife" syndrome.

Of course failure isn't as bad a situation in some areas as we seem to make out, scientists often fail for years trying to do something and it not working out until one day that 'eureka' moment hits them. Many people are alive today because of the constancy of pushing forward over and above failure in researching pharmaceuticals. Similarly with engineering and science life is often trial and error and even in accidents we learn what not to do or how better to modify the service or product for future betterment. Failure can make us stronger and wiser and give us a degree of personal wisdom over and above that which we could learn from just every day life.

Our relationships span a multitude of levels in life from one with ourselves, do we love ourself? To those with significant others, friends, family, work colleagues, to those who we meet in the shopping mall, services and other intermediaries. Some people walk around with an almost permanent smile and face life as it is whether or not they receive any reciprocation from others is immaterial. Others walk around with a glum dull face and if anyone smiles at them they get unnerved and even upset wondering what the catch is, such is their low debased and insular nature. How we view life is how we live it, the better we are at looking good the more help and encouragement we get from others and the more respect we tend to get too. No one likes to help grumpy gruff sloven people, it goes well against the grain both psychologically and morally, it doesn't feel good, and we need a degree of reciprocation in order for us to make additional moves in what we can or will do.

Loneliness for the main part is down to failed relationships with life and the amount of selfishness that's in that thought behind it all. There are those who are forced because of physical and mental conditions to live in an isolated situation, but the vast majority aren't. Selfishness, meanness, laziness, bad attitude are all contributors to loneliness. Failed life relationships are self created, and it matters not whether one is naturally gregarious or reticent, in between all of this is humanity, and if we don't embrace it or we have stilted views or prefer to be biased towards our family or race or creed or whatever then we will sadly and statistically be veering to a life as time goes by to be on our own. People who are on their own tend to have more problems mentally and physically than those with good and constant friends. Whatever you think, whatever excuses you put up, the ball is in your court, no one wants to hear the excuses anymore, if you can't give of yourself you are certainly not going to receive back what humanity has to offer.

For more www.thelifedoctor.info
Free "E" Book : www.the-alchemy-of-life.com
©John Rushton / The Life Alchemist 2012