YOU AREN'T ALONE

There's a big difference between being alone and feeling lonely, the former is just that - you are alone, with few or no one around you, the latter is a feeling of isolation even in the midst of friends and loved ones where your inner thoughts are cocooned in a dialogue of their own usually linked to a mind condition or a feeling that things aren't going so well. It could however be that you have "moved on" in life and those around you whilst good people don't offer anymore the support you need and the type of camaraderie you require to enjoy life. It's very easy to be judgmental here but "Feeling Alone" is a very personal thing and it's purely down to the individual as to how they perceive life. Sometimes it's the little things in life that can trip us up the most, like the little stones in our shoes, as small as they are they produce great discomfort and we have to literally stop to remove same. Even when everything appears to be going well, we can feel totally "out of it" to the extent that we go through the motions of life and robotically laugh, join in make arrangements etc, whilst at the same time our minds are literally elsewhere, and our thoughts are churning around discussing life and how we best fit in with it all and that 'elusive' goal of satisfaction and completeness or lack of it.

How we perceive life is down to us, this stays with us throughout the whole of our lives so it's vitally important that we get some semblance of understanding as to who we are, where we are and all that surrounds us. If we have a belief then we already know that God is at hand, for those that don't believe or believe in some weird evil religion then you just winge and moan and still nothing happens. The fact that when we go through an ordeal we do feel alone even if at times we come across others who have or are going through the same thing, there's always a 'let out' clause for them but never yourself, it's this 'self' that holds us back. Very few if any at all are experiencing something unique, even if it's unique to ourselves, it's our 'mind-set' and that mind set can be pivotal as to how we pull through, come through or deal with life and enjoy it all at the other end. Nothing lasts for ever be it good or bad, having said that the median in between can give a rewarding life that's fun and productive and sharing amongst fellow man. Even if we go to the doctors and receive some tablets etc, we receive tablets because somewhere there are 1000's of others needing the same remedial drug for the same problem.

There are various "chat lines" and "blogs" and suchlike that are user friendly and directed towards specific topics where people can openly under a pseudonym pour out their problems to like minded souls and receive correspondence of encouragement and help and advice, and at times this can be the best help around. Often knowing that you are not alone can be so elevating that the severity of the problem can be almost halved in a split second. Whether we have a secret fetish, secret desires or feelings which to us are "all out of the ordinary" finding that "other" person or persons can make a world of difference and if we seek we will find, although those others we seek will be hiding in the background so diligence is par for the course. We can be our biggest problem, and we are experts at making up excuses for ourselves and why it's always easier for someone else but in "my" case, it's just not possible or too difficult, and so the pathetic trail of excuses goes on and on and on, and nothing gets resolved. One main element of freeing up the self is to detach oneself literally from the public gaze in as much as you neither want nor need comments or opinions of others who know nothing of your plight even if they know you personally, there's always that little something they don't know and everyone should understand that about everyone else.  

Liberating the self is essential, it doesn't mean making public your feelings nor anything else it just means taking charge of whom you are and walking with it, without explanation to others, which at times others who can actually semi-demand to know what you have been up to and if you don't let on they get upset, so let them, boundaries always need to be respected and if their assessment of you changes then so be it, for at times if you acquiesce to their demand you not only lower your own self esteem they may just not understand and walk away anyway, you have to judge this yourself. On the other side of the fence you may be in a precarious position whereby you need friends just for emotional support but it's essential that you have the right friends and the right quantity and quality of support for if it's too much either way it can become burdensome and topple all you seek as support. Even in times of dire need when the world looms large and you feel so inconsequential you are not by yourself, there are solutions, ways out and as difficult as it is in such a state making a move is a 100% better than doing nothing. The journey of a hundred miles takes one first step, take that step for yourself in nothing else.

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©John Rushton / The Life Doctor 2012
(These blogs are read in over 120 countries, if you like what you read please re-send them to others),

SHARING - THAT FEELING

One of the greatest feelings you can ever have is that of sharing, sharing moments with strangers via a common understanding of whatever has happened or been seen, even without saying a word. Or most deeply heartwarming is that of the sharing of loved ones and friends a part of your life regardless of the incident or situation. Even sharing a moment together of great distress is a moment in reflection of the gratitude of that person being there at that time that helped so much and brought a real presence of what life and humanity is all about. There's nothing better than being able to share your partner, your children, your parents, your very close friends that at times are even closer than relatives. The feeling that you can say and do and confide and be silly (or worse) in their company and laugh it all off because they not only love you but respect you and deep down like to feel that when you share you share, it's not a conditional relationship it's "anything goes" and you both or all lap it all up for what it''s worth. That warm comforting feeling, that almost smug feeling on invincibility that life just can't get better that material values are at those moments just worthless as they are objects without heart or soul.

It's essential to us all that we can share with others for if we don't or can't then it makes us both hard within and forms a mental barrier that hinders our ability to communicate efficiently and with depth. Sharing with pertinent others also allows us to share with those we don't like or don't trust or those who are in effect down right rude to us too, and stops offence being taken as well as getting upset by others saying either deliberately or out of turn things we find distasteful or possibly hurtful. Sharing creates a brighter mind and elevates life shunning out loneliness and selfishness which can be crippling and debilitating for the self and life. Sharing on a humanitarian basis not the sharing which is "all about me" enables productivity, trust, respect, faith, creativity, opportunity, advancement, purpose and an overall feeling of well being regardless of any overall circumstances. People who share are more apt to "read situations" as they are lighter in their minds and can see troubles and others faults far more than those who keep to themselves everything for a whole range of fears about letting go and thus destroying themselves or worse.

But sharing isn't telling everyone everything about you, it's not being that proverbial "open book"  it's allowing others to 'meld' with you, to feel the real truth of life and whatever else transpires needs a high degree of respect and inner value to come forth, which separates those out who are only in life for what they can get themselves, which is usually nothing. Sharing is the bright outlook, a magnet for good things, that almost permanent smile, that look that everything will be OK if you let it and not drag whatever it is around with you seeking pity or worse sympathy (failure). Sharing is that feeling that life contains more than what we see there is a depth to it that fills us with greatness, humility and at times positive direction and uplifting thoughts, it challenges the morbid and opens the flood gates to aspects of life that we never knew existed. But like attracts like and so again the lesser souls of thought get attracted to the lesser souls of thought and continually then wonder why others have the smiles when they perpetually look glum or scornful.

Sharing is not imposing, it's not being a burden, it's not being taken advantage of, it's not being negative, real sharing is a homogeneous aspect of bonding with certain others in life and combining what's naturally inherent, it's that great "oneness" feeling that humans have built within that explodes and causes genuine concern and laughter in the same sentence. That one can speak without premeditated thought and just say it as it comes, it's a real freedom that very little else can qualify the same effect. And for those that make up endless excuses as to why they haven't any friends (and the list is endless) it says more about them than and that sharing is a step too far in their life or indeed vocabulary. If you can't share you can't live life to the full, everything is contrived and excuse ridden and situationally driven as to what value you place on what and if I do this maybe they'll do that, life accounts in life are people who are failures let loose. If it doesn't come from the heart and you have to justify everything or "I did this they did that" attitude then you will always live below what expectation you would wish to enjoy, and the very sad thing is that it's you who has devised that route.  Sharing denotes with a firm presence of love and warmth towards others that's sincere and generous unlike those that have little sharing ability because there is little else within that's of any value or worth.

For more : www.thelifedoctor.info
FREE "E" Book : www.the-alchemy-of-life.com
RADIO : www.liferadiointernational.com
©John Rushton / The Life Doctor 2012
(These blogs are read in over 120 countries, if you like what you read please re-send them to others)

LONELINESS, SOBRIETY AND INNER PEACE

There is almost in epidemic proportions today a degree of loneliness which is sweeping through the lives of many people and it's causing them a great deal of concern and consternation as they can't either fathom or understand why it is they are feeling the way they do. Similarly many people are feeling isolated or are having problems with regards meaningful personal relationships, they have possibly many friends or more accurately acquaintances but the depth of how they interact it tersely, usually at a distance like we interact with many on Facebook from afar. We can discuss quite deep and quite meaningful topics on both Facebook and Twitter yet it all means nothing as it's for many an outlet of hollow proportions and empty feelings, empathy is probably as far as we get to that proverbial 'hug', but it's seldom more as everyone has a life of their own and it's not something distance nor a public display of feelings renders itself as sincere even if it is possible meant as such.

Loneliness falls predominantly into three categories, those who are housebound or locationally isolated, although many aren't lonely as they have good people around them, those that self isolate themselves via selfish motives and excuses - which accounts for the majority, and those who have relatively good and busy lives and yet feel literally lonely - where those around them and life just doesn't quench that inner feeling. Loneliness from the outset may not seem as debilitating as many an illness or condition that some have, yet from loneliness can stem illness itself, paranoia, delusions, narrow thoughts, isolation, reclusiveness, lost love, lost hope, lost peace, lost humanitarian instincts, lost communicational skills, gross selfishness - which is a big problem, and getting into a rut so deep and entrenched that it's almost impossible to get out of.

Our inner peace is a great aspect of our life, it's nothing to do with our desire to get on or create or our ambition, it's all about us and how we feel, it's that personal. It has nothing to do with getting the latest gadget or designer clothes those desires actually fill us with a degree of inferiority as we feel we need them to enhance our 'self' whereas we don't, even if they prove useful or attractive. So many people let themselves down to their own emotions and then wonder why things aren't as they would really want. Not only does letting ourselves down eventually show, we become deceptive to others and ourselves as our desire consumes much of our thoughts and our will to do things often creates our failure as we then overlook aspect of work or life based upon our greed for an end result, which is often never as anticipated as it's negatively constructed.

Inner peace for the fickle and ignorant isn't worth much, why waste your time on inner peace when there are material things to do to take our mind off of life. Inner peace to the lonely doesn't happen they make sure of that, being precious, conceited and selfishness puts paid to ever finding what would really make them happy. Inner peace to those that one "would think" should be far from lacking in that department is an idealistic view of what you are as a person and where your real priorities lie and neither co-join. Our attitude very much determines who we are and how we walk through life, none of this stupid "self help" or pathetic "finding happiness" when it's not lost. Where failure really makes it's name a house hold entity is when everyone goes out looking for something that they carry around with them, thinking that solutions and answers are with other people. Of course other people don't possess what you have already within you so can't help even if the solitary experience is uplifting, it doesn't last. It's like having a glass or two of scotch and all seems well, but then tomorrow it's all worn off and nothing has changed.

Loneliness makes one precious and introverted in thinking, tiredness is also an aspect that lonely people get used to and forever feel they need their sleep, which is usually a cop out to being bored and a lack of stimulating thought, although it could in some manifest as insomnia. Communing with life is essential but like everything in life it's quality not quantity, and not going to mix with other lonely people to exchange the same views on the same subjects as if exchanging notes knowing that it will lead to nought in the end. Love is a big aspect with lonely people, they often feel the need for it yet are fearful of it taking a hold of them for some reason and that it might just change their solitary and calculated lifestyle where they lose control to an additional input, which would never do. The Catch-22 which often exists in their lives is one which they get used to and the option of not making a commitment is one which is usually taken in preference, even if invitations are accepted for events or holidays, it's still the lone wolf trying to acquiesce to the herding instinct and never quite comes off.

For more www.thelifedoctor.info
Free "E" Book : www.the-alchemy-of-life.com
©John Rushton / The Life Alchemist 2012