Thursday 26 April 2012


Can you or do you forgive, or are you a selective forgiver? Or do you prefer to hold on to what has happened either a deed done by yourself or others done to you so that you have some sort of pathetic validation in your life and to keep it alive justifies a self created penance that holds no virtue. Some people hold on to the past as an excuse for where they are now and thus have well rehearsed speeches to suite all audiences who are gullable enough to listen to them.  But just so that you know what the dictionary definition is below is an explanation that sums it all up, or at least the theory of it:-

Forgiveness is the renunciation or cessation of resentment, indignation or anger as a result of a perceived offence, disagreement, or mistake, or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution. The Oxford English Dictionary defines forgiveness as 'to grant free pardon and to give up all claim on account of an offence or debt'. The concept and benefits of forgiveness have been explored in religious thought, the social sciences and medicine. Forgiveness may be considered simply in terms of the person who forgives including forgiving themselves, in terms of the person forgiven or in terms of the relationship between the forgiver and the person forgiven. In most contexts, forgiveness is granted without any expectation of restorative justice, and without any response on the part of the offender (for example, one may forgive a person who is incommunicado or dead). In practical terms, it may be necessary for the offender to offer some form of acknowledgement, an apology, or even just ask for forgiveness, in order for the wronged person to believe himself able to forgive.

Life is full of wrong doings and more recently a whole plethora of substandard humans who now make the phrase "taking offence" a way of life (usually politically correct nerds), whereas years ago people just got on with life and moved forward. Those who utilise the "I've been offended" scenario do so in the hope others will take notice of them as if it is a justification of some sort for how they think, well who cares. We even have those wanting restitution for things that have been done years ago by different generations in different ideological thought times as they seem to want some kind of kudos for living in the past and not seeing the future. No amount of forgiveness by anyone about the past is going to make any difference except for those who have ego problems, and if you are religious at all it definitely doesn't make any difference as the time lines take care of that. And of course if you are a Darwinian subscriber it matters not as you are a mistake anyway so what of it.

Forgiveness is at times subjective in that one person feels aggrieved about something yet those that have supposedly done whatever it is see nothing wrong. We all know right from wrong and just because masses do something like in the Middle East where forgiveness isn't in their dictionary and live in constant upheaval and oppression then we see the result of it all on a mass scale, something that's only going to get worse. Furthermore if you are one of those that likes to be seen to be open and forgiving and says "I can forgive but not forget" then you are two faced, as that is the backdoor way of saying I can't or won't forgive. Granted we can't forget either but linking those two areas together admonishes the self of any deed pertaining to forgiveness and the thoughts behind it. It has to come from the heart and not smart political rhetoric.

It's not always easy to forgive, especially if the deed was or is very personal, however in order to forgive you have to 'love yourself', and here lies the problem, many people don't especially those again in the Middle East and Asia where love is totally conditional, i.e. if you don't do as we like or we disown you or throw a tantrum or whatever disgracefully selfish act they devise. If you respect whatever God you subscribe to then you should find solace in the fact that 'forgiveness' is a key element in the scriptural doctrine, but usually people tend to omit that in favour of their own narrow selfish and egotistical emotional levels then wonder why the edge of life has been reduced to what it is.

There are a lot of sad and emotionally lonely people out there and one must steer clear of them as they will like a vampire drain you of your energy for their own devises and comfort. They are skilled and apt at doing it like mosquito's biting you, you rarely feel it just the bump afterwards. It's self devised and so you should respect yourself and others by never entertaining negativity nor dwell on the past hurt or keep emotional diaries or check lists that keep being brought up. Whether forgiveness is in order or not, forgive yourself, because holding a grudge hurts you - definitely not the other person or people ever. Don't put yourself into that situation, let go, even if it takes courage to do so, and move on, you will be lighter and free and perhaps for the first time see the bigger picture. Many are actually afraid of "letting go" as they feel if they 'let go' of the years of harbouring hurt and malice that there will be a void within and are frightened as to how that may be filled and what others may perceive of them, all a total lack of self esteem. Love is the answer to overcoming harbouring negativity no matter what is it, but it's an option in that the self can override it, but do so at your peril.

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©John Rushton / The Life Doctor 2012
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