GRIEF

Grief can be so debilitating that it takes a hold of life and steers you into a corner and holds you there to the extent that at times one feels that nothing will ever be the same ever again, and the truth is it won't. It's not that life won't be fun and exciting anymore nor the will to proceed won't return and life will be as it is from there onwards worthy of living and worthy of participating and communing with those around you. It's ironic however that when grief strikes and it can and does happen to almost all of us at some time in our lives those that we feel can or could offer support like family and our religion offer nothing but coldness and a wall of stone, especially where bereavement is concerned. It can be like vampires coming out of the woodwork all seeing what they can get and finding every legal excuse to get more. Where at one stage of life "love" was a supposedly unspoken entity it's now a cold war and each to his own, where the smiles reveal the fangs and frosty sliver. And whilst to some this may seem gruesome it is unfortunately for many a very real reality. That at times many fear for their own sanity and purpose and most of all "love" for themselves, that someone "out there" knows and understands and will share their real tears and not some emotional outburst like that of little children "on and off" at the flick of a selfish thought. The relations that never liked you or you were the wrong religion, but now your partner has died it all comes to roost their evilness starts to ooze out.  

How we deal with real grief is down to us, and we are all different those that cry the most are often the insipid selfish ones that want everyone to join them in what they are going through whilst those that tend to stave off such are harbouring the love of the deceased that helps even through the trauma of the aftermath. Of course and "here we go again" religions mount on the grief trip after all it gives them something to do, wearing dull dark clothes, moping around with long faces, it's as if the deceased didn't actually love you after all and you've just found out. If whoever it is that has died loved you then THE LAST thing they would wish is that you be unhappy, otherwise what's the point of it all. And sympathy is the shallow side of offering real help to the extent many offer sympathy but no help and actually get a "high" of trying to buck the other person up whereas they are acting as vampires themselves draining their captive of energy for themselves. Sympathy has an effect of boosting others up, then when you leave them they have an almighty low afterwards. Not very nice.

Age has a related value on our perceptions in life, everything revolves around what we have done, are doing and will be doing, although the variances and boundaries can be very muted and glide into each other. What age doesn't have is a monopoly on pain, especially the mental type of pain, that is possibly the most debilitating as it literally messes up your whole control system. It's so easy to become introverted when grief strikes that it can form a situation where you rarely come out of it, this happens in the Middle East as they go to town on morbidity it's a way of life as is complaining and moaning yet doing nothing to rectify it, however they don't have any exclusivity or monopoly on it. One thing that grief often brings home is the reality of who you are in life and what others mean to you, your 'family' may be those you have chosen to be around you as opposed to the biological ones who are judgemental and shallow. It brings home too where you stand in life and what all around you means with regards happiness, freedom, duties, life itself and what and how you choose to think about things in general. Grief is but a stepping stone and depending upon your belief you either move on - not forgetting the past as you can't - or dwell forever where you are and carry it as a burden. Never forget if love is involved then there is a real freedom, but a genuine freedom not a selfish freedom that you keep to yourself as if it's something exclusive because it's not.  

In times of trouble don't scorn those that you think could offer some support as for them it could also be difficult to muster up the ability to offer it, and beware of those who seemingly offer everything because they can, it's at times those that do little that think deeply and the effusive ones that are shallow. One must always feel the depth of love and the need from others which is over and above sheer words and never allow the feeling of self sorrow to overtake who you are despite the pain that one may be reliving for a while. An understanding of those that now scorn, pour oil on troubled waters, who reject, who reprimand and turn face, who show their true colours be at one with yourself, because the love that YOU had with that significant other was priceless and above their deceitful facade. Life is for living, for loving and that is the only golden rule for grief, and the only golden rule for your own self is that of love at any cost, it's never left, and what was there is still there even if slightly but temporarily tarnished, it's still there in all its glory. Don't ever turn your back on it no matter what.

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©John Rushton / The Life Doctor 2012
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OUR SECRET BARRIERS

Many people never ever reach their full potential because of perceived thoughts, ideas and perceptions of other people. Logically it's all very pathetic as to why one should even remotely want to take up the thoughts of someone else especially those who have no connection or dependence upon you or you on them. Whether it's family, friends, colleagues, so called "smart people" who always get a version out on something that has glaring holes in their take on it but can never see them themselves. Or just perhaps it's even worse and the bottom of the pit in life is a version by the media itself, that's a 'no brainer' and if one has to resort to that as a reference then it's already goodbye to original and unbiased thought. One thing that no one else on planet earth can ever do is walk in your pathway nor think nor feel what is going in your mind even if they at times come close to it. So whatever they have as an idea which could well be accurate the nuances that make you and them different could make a world of difference to the final execution, delivery and success of what ever it is that you need to accomplish.

We are all different as people, we can have a brilliant mind yet be timid and fragile as a person or we can be the opposite and be as thick as two short planks but have guts and an overt determination to do whatever we feel, whether it's successful or not is another matter. What does make a difference to us going forward are factors that are crucial to the outcome of our desire and the result of same. Stability, love and clarity, for without these our inner equilibrium is forever flitting from one thing to another like bees collecting pollen from the flowers, and as we get older the esoteric nature we have become accustomed to starts to drag us down and then crankiness often takes a hold. Creative people are usually on the edge already but life circumstances whilst being enjoyed to the full in early life takes its toll later on.

Our barriers are just that, they can be numerous in variety or they can be few yet very stubborn to the fact that they hold us up time and time again sometimes overtly and sometimes directly within as we start to fear aspects of what we are doing and allow our minds to free fall into an abyss which cause untold consternation. Intelligence has no bearing upon common sense, and often people get sucked up into both an ideology of where and whom they are at a time in their lives, it gives them a purpose, sometimes blinkered yet they think they see through it - they don't - they see what they want to see, and everyone around them sees it but themselves. The difference between self esteem and arrogance can be minimal even though they come from different places, if not correctly honed and monitored the 'self' will allow either to be misconstrued and thus negate what the outcome should have been.

There are those in life that are only too willing to comment upon anything and everything with a logic so strong in their own mind that life at times is literally black and white, and they fail to understand why others can't see it that way. Such though which is often highly developed is a massive failure as it allows a disconnection with the emotions of society and personalities within it, mainly because emotions are treated as a logical feelings and not as personal effusive emotions pertinent to individuals, this has relationship conflicts too and spurns the 'happiness factor'. Whatever others think or feel is for them, what your views are are for you, rightly or otherwise, the word respect has an immediacy here and it's the art of getting along with others and ultimately ones ability to communicate with others at all levels.

Education and ability have strong points where determination comes into the fore, although not exclusively. Family backgrounds and culture also and at times sadly to a negative degree lowers ones abilities as do "religious" biases which are for the main the "kiss of death" as they are constructs of man and nothing to do with God. One only has to look at the predominant countries and their religions to see what the difference makes and their genuine contribution to society and the world, even though it's all far from perfect. Free societies grow, constrained societies and those that are historically corrupt remain in turmoil and usually with an underlying anger which is a self frustration about themselves and allows continued failure to be a prevalent feature.

For more : www.thelifedoctor.info
FREE "E" Book : www.the-alchemy-of-life.com
www.liferadiointernational.com
©John Rushton / The Life Doctor 2012