Tuesday, 9 November 2010


In order to get along in life we need to have an empathy with it otherwise we either just play “lip service” to what we are doing or go through the motions almost robotically to get done what we have to do because we know it has some meaning for us. Either way our heart isn’t in it and because of that, what we do rarely has any degree of “wow factor” which accounts for many people’s lives. Then everyone steps back almost shocked and in awe and says “I don’t know why my life is as dull as it is” or “I don’t know things don’t seem to go my way” and so on. Even the best meal in the world your super, super favourite can be spoilt just by a surly waiter serving you with a disgruntled and impassionate outlook, the little things in life can make a difference and just having the ‘edge’ taken off of something can reduce it from fabulous to “it was nice” in one fell swoop. (It only takes a small pin to burst a big balloon). Attitude is the telling aspect of ourselves and if it’s tinged with negativity it will almost always be under par, if it’s positive then even the dullest of things will have a tinge of excitement, it’s that simple. You can make excuses until the cows come home, but fooling yourself with pathetic conjecture to try and make you think you are better than you are is futile, facile and pointless, anyway it’s only you who is letting yourself down. Our lives, our partners, our food, our clothes, our friends, our job, our thoughts all must strike a note with something that empathises within us for if it doesn’t then we are either already dead or teetering on the verge of it. We are only as good or as interesting and fabulous as we make out, it rests with us, no one else, we can’t blame others or the lack of others for who we are as we control who and what we are, and as soon as we realise that then from that moment life does get significantly better. Frustration, lack of this n’ that, can’t do this n’ that are all incidentals, and putting weight on to external factors to make us come alive is the biggest opt out that many have, it not only reduces ones self esteem but acts as a ”scape goat” in translation within our mind, absolving ourselves from getting our act together.

We have an empathy of some sort with most aspects of our lives even if it’s to do with our cars or food or hobbies or interests, it’s something that drives our enthusiasm and gives us the impetus to shine or attain knowledge without a great deal of effort, it provides a degree of enjoyment and purpose and an ongoing feel of wanting to continue. Of course our circumstances can play a part in how our empathy resonates within us and even the common flu can knock us for six for a while where we tend to lose interest in everything including eating. Fortunately we don’t have year long flu and even disabilities that we develop, for many do not preclude us enjoying what we like even at a different level. As we progress in life age has a bearing as does our ability to proficiently do what we could do more easily years earlier, we also gain more knowledge of life, have experienced a few more knocks, set backs, ups and downs, disappointments, losses, and whatever else has come our way, yet within us we still have the ability to empathise with aspects of life that still give us pleasure, that’s assuming we allow it to happen. All too often the self effacing aspects of man literally does “cut off his nose to spite his face” thinking that some kind of self afflicted remorse, sacrifice or unhappiness will give us a higher degree of inner credibility, well it won’t it just makes you more ‘bloody unhappy’ and a pain in the neck to those around you. Life as such doesn’t give a dam whether you enjoy life or not, it have a thing all of its own called “life” and it’s greater than all of us, so it you can’t radiate a degree of empathy towards others then certainly don’t expect it to be reciprocated, because the “others” will go to where they are appreciated, they have a soul and feelings too, and they like to be liked, they love to be loved and not listen to morose diatribe as if it’s an endless soap series on all about my pathetic life and what’s gone wrong with it. Granted such conversations are better than sleeping tablets as they have no side effects and work quicker, but that’s not the point.

We tend to migrate to those we empathise with, so the good and great and humorous and positive tend to join forces and those negative beings with all their faults and traits do likewise and migrate to the negative and so on, there is a big rift in between and often those who are not quite sure which camp to be in are the procrastinators, and they can be a pain too, as they can never quite give a definitive answer to anything, which is different from those who are naturally easy going and tend to go with the flow. More and more today the issue of mental health is coming to the fore, it’s nothing new, it’s just that many in society feel that there is always an option for someone else to take over or make a decision or worse still have a tablet after which the course has run all will be well, no you’ll be worse. Coaches and psychologists can”t make up your mind for you even if to present you with an array of options, you have to take the first step, and ironically many of these “professionals” have problems of the self themselves, even self confessed ones. Making a wrong move is making a move, we all make mistakes and sometimes it’s these that jar us out of where we are and allow us to see the ‘bigger picture’ and break free from our microcosm of “all about me” which festers and rots with time placating who we are and making us look like an old cabbage and exude as much interest too. If we lose the life passion it’s because of our inner self for no one can give it to us, dwelling on the self is absolutely the worst thing you can do as it cuts you off from mankind and humanity to the extent you always seem to commune at arms length and thus in time lose the plot. As difficult as it may be at times to put on a brave face, smile when inside you need to cry, it’s what you have to do, it’s what everyone has to do, there are no short cuts and no easy answers, but by making an effort the tumblers do start to turn, even if slowly at first. It’s only the selfish that get caught up in the pity game and then get ostracised by everyone else, and still believe that they are badly done to, well if you treat yourself like a lump of ‘detritus’ then what you sow so shall you reap.

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©John Rushton / The Life Alchemist 2010

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