Thursday 18 November 2010


It’s not the nicest of things to happen, it blows our mind like a mini atom bomb going off inside of us, triggering all of our feelings and emotions all at one go, our minds almost disconnect from reality and we live in a place of self concocted hurt and indecision and unfathomable thoughts. Reality is not an issue as it hardly exists other than the fact that we are still alive, but only just, and interest in life whatever that is has ceased and anyway we just don’t want to know anymore as it’s immaterial and not worth it anyway. And what’s more no one understands even though others have gone through it too, it’s not the same as your heart ache, your pain is different. Well anyway, that’s an idea of what heartache is all about especially if you haven’t been through it, and it’s not a recommendation to put on your list of “things to do and experience”. Heartache is felt differently by “blokes” as it is by girls, men see things more technically and women see things more emotionally and although each and every feeling is just as real to men and women the thought process can vary somewhat and at times neither side can see where either party is coming from or going to, and the end result is that they don’t care either because if you can’t understand then that’s the whole problem in a nutshell. So there.

It’s usually worse for the person who is let down rather than the person who lets the other down, as the latter has usually a premeditated thought which tends to buffer them from the impact and actually they have had some time to think of other things even if it’s just having time on their own to ‘chill out’ and sort themselves out, unless someone else is on the scene. It’s a complex thing and for some it’s a point where they really think that life will never be the same again, it won’t it never is, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be 100 times better either, so there’s always a flip side to the way we think and the way we stilt our conversations towards a goal that seems always out of reach. It’s not rocket science either that relationships brake down at any age and also for those who are single and 30+,  mind thought is the biggest culprit to having a relationship or staying single as at the same time as compromise is nearly always an issue. Usually the woman feeling she has to compromise more than the man, unless it’s a gay relationship, but it’s usually one partner that acquiesces, and not necessarily for the worse either, that’s something to think of and not the egotistical side of “why should I” which is a ‘kiss of death’ attitude.

It’s rare not to get over a broken heart, even if it takes time. And all this “I’m sceptical about any new relationship I’ve been let down before" or worse, "too often before” etc, is rubbish, it’s self centred and selfish and maybe with that attitude it’s you that was part of the break up cause in the first instance. And remember if you have had a number of broken hearts, failed relationships etc, the common denominator in them all is you, not your partner, so what does it all say about you. There’s nothing wrong in playing the field except that “playing” is the operative word, so expect what you get when play stops, nothing, and thus nothing is what will happen time and time again. You must be honest to both yourself and others that way any let down will be be lightened as it will have a purpose and not just “it was fun whilst it lasted” which is why many “have a go” relationships are just that, shallow and hollow from the outset. One of the main causes of breakdown is not infidelity it's "hidden agendas" coupled with selfishness, and with the "why should I" and all this "I need my space" and whatever else YOU need is all fodder the day of reckoning that's about to happen.

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©John Rushton / The Life Alchemist 2010

1 comment:

  1. John, this is really good stuff!!!! I will recommend to anyone who is going through hard times in their relationship.......