STEERING YOUR OWN COURSE

It's amazing when you ask people whose life they are living, their retort is 'mine' and it's said with a degree of aplomb. Yes talk to them a little more and the conversation, regardless of it's content, starts to include others that by default play a role either by design or default that influence what they do and say. Of course we don't live in isolation and yes we do have significant others that we gladly take on board and meld our ways with to incorporate them as they do with us, it's called 'getting on with others''. Our focus on life at times goes astray in that we feel the need to both steer our own course and at the same time please others as that can give us a sense of achievement and acknowledgement, part of the 'feel good factor'. But the reality of all this is false because others then take you for what you give out whether it's done consciously or not, and if not careful it can get out of hand very quickly. It is at moments like this that when it gets out of hand we feel that we are taken advantage of or it all doesn't feel right or others get a wrong impression of how we are and we don't like that, even though it is us that has instigated it all ourselves.

Sometimes it is the little things in life that get to us, rather than the larger things that we tend to cope with and get to the bottom of without too much trouble. A self conscious attitude usually stops us making an issue out of the small things in life. If others do make an issue we even feel they are being picky or small minded and judge them differently. At times life is what it is, we have to make a compromise and do what we have to do even if it's not basically ideal, even within what we would like. Needs must and doing something is always better than doing nothing.  Life is full of conduits so we can make a leap forward to an amazing array of places just by meeting people in certain areas and be receptive to whatever it is they have to offer. We should be open to possibilities from the most unlikely sources and never pre-judge based upon outward views.

There are in life plenty of people who on the side lines will give you advice as to what to do and where to go. Whether it' is well meant or not it all comes from their perspective which is not yours.  One thing you must never do is ask or take advice from anyone who has aspirations less than your own, as it will always be below par and full of their own insecurities and fears. By all means listen, but if it doesn't resonate with you, move on. Unfortunately there are even those who may not even wish you to succeed as it would to their mind put themselves in a bad light. Even professional advisers can get it wrong, again everything comes from their perspective and that could ultimately produce something that one dreads doing and provides no upliftment and ultimately disappointment. There are no magic wands in life even though at times some have those proverbial 'lucky breaks. Either way you have to walk the walk and talk the talk.
  
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©John Rushton / The Life Alchemist 2012



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EVERY QUESTION IS A GOOD QUESTION

There's nothing worse than ignorance, it not only means that you don't know something but it has many subliminal effects such as insecurity, lack of confidence and lack of self esteem, etc. Of course it's impossible to know everything and it's also quite OK to be in situations in our lives because of work or circumstances that place us in crowds of people who are more proficient in subjects, areas or a modus operadi than we are, it's just the way it is. There's also nothing wrong with saying "I don't know" either, it's far better than moving forward with others who "do know" and you getting all upset within and trying to fob off everyone with what little you do know or worse still avoiding or evading direct answers so as to show you really don't know. Most people respond well to honesty, if you say you don't know they are more than happy to enlighten you and in fact are quite flattered at times that you have had the openness and decency to admit to them that fact and ask them what it is you don't know, even if it's just a potted version answer you are after to tie you through.

Of course perceptions, intelligence, arrogance, ego, inferiority, stupidity, etc, all play a part in our questioning, but no matter how stupid a question  may seem or ill thought out, to the person asking it it means a great deal otherwise they wouldn't have asked it. And more often than not it's not the highly technical questions that need similar answers those are not the most important ones, it's those niggly little questions that need short answers are the ones that trip us up the most. It can all be too easy to assume an air of superiority when those in your presence are lost as to what you are talking about or can't compute what you've said to what you deem is a logical conclusion, that is in effect a failing of yourself not the other party. Humility and a gross understanding of the bigger picture is what makes some people excel and others stagnate and even fragment in their own version of reality. Those who forever seek or strive at all costs over and above everyone else are those who command least respect. Those who strive because of the desire to attain more knowledge in what they do are far more human and have an ability to communicate with those all around at any level and treat everyone with respect because the alternative isn't of value.

We need as individuals to have all sorts of questions answered daily that we ponder over or cause us a degree of consternation. It's not the "meaning of life" questions - although that wouldn't go amiss, it's the things that stop us in our tracks such as why has my PC suddenly done that, or I can't access this, or which button do I press or where is 'whatever', and whilst the answer may be easy if we are also at a loss as to find where to ask or who to ask it becomes a real tough cookie and we get well and truly frustrated. Answering a question too is a skill as some haven't the ability to proficiently state clearly and precisely what it is they have been asked, leaving the recipient even more frustrated confused and at times even angry towards everything to do with it. Banks are like that in that they'll answer your query then try and bombard you with endless financial products or review your account or whatever it is and want to pass you on to the household insurance division or some other cretin that you don't even care about.

The Internet is a wild card when it comes to Q and A's, even market research companies want your FREE input, it's basically free, offering a chance to win £250 or an Amazon book token, which is peanuts compared to what the real cost of such information would normally cost. Every question no matter what has a reason behind it, some are far reaching in what the consensus of opinions state others are solitary and pertinent to just that person at that time in that situation and after that it's all redundant information. Our ability to continue needs to have questions answered it's a very important aspect of our lives, as we are met every day with new events and especially if one travels around the world the quantity of questions that one needs answering is amazingly high even if previous savvy makes finding the answers relatively easy. Whatever it is in life we need to know, not the nosey stuff about others lives or celebrity transgressions that's dribble for the dribble minded, but real factual stuff that makes our pathway that much smoother, life more enjoyable and gives us a greater presence in life itself. We must never be afraid to ask a question, and if respect is in order we will get a civil answer, if we get otherwise it says more about the idiot that has answered you that the validity of your question.

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©John Rushton / The Life Doctor 2012