Thursday, 27 October 2011


We all have moments of recollection, of posturing on potentials of the past, of regurgitating scenarios of this n' that, and possible 'that' too, we could go on for hours hypothesising and intellectualising about what did happen and what could have happened, the story permutations never end. It's something we do at times when we have time on our hands and there is usually a trigger to set it all off also, it just doesn't come rolling back in to the mind for no reason. Feeling a little low is usually the main reason.We all do it from time to time, it's when it becomes almost a ritual and like a 'soap' on television. it just carries on in a banal manner as if it's an alternative to the moment, instead it's reliving the past for an emotional thrill, even if that thrill is quite negative. How we manage our thoughts is crucial to how we both perform and meet the future, because once we allow any overlap from past to present we have almost secured a failure in the pipeline, despite what we may kid ourselves that it's nothing of the sort. Everything that goes on in our head is a part of us, no matter what it is or was it's a mark of us, and like everything in life no matter what, there are at least two sides to it, life doesn't exist in a vacuum.

Our thoughts we like to 'think' are good, and any wrongs against are down to the 'other person' or 'them' or whatever it was, very rarely us, we are good at blanking out "any" possible negativity of ourselves. Yet there is still a reason why things happened even though try as we may we to absolve ourselves from any blame, even the slightest of doubt is washed away in an emotion of unfairness and 'how good am I' thought consensus. Relationship failure is number one in this respect, no matter how it was caused. It's difficult at times actually letting go of the past even of years ago because we still feel the memory of emotion of the pain and can't let that really go as it's too much for our tiny insular minds to feel that without some pain it didn't actually happen, and our selfish side just doesn't want to know that if we did let it all go life would be 50 times better at least. We get used to smiling about the past about having overcome and pulled through and all the rest we like to pile up to make ourselves champions of austerity and  successes of today, with trophies to prove it. But it still doesn't stop us from dragging the past into our conversations and making reference to "our" plight no matter how subtly that may be, it still leaves a vapour trail of the past and as long as that's there our 'heat seeking' mind emotions latch on to it and keep it relatively alive and watered for us dine out on it from time to time.

Even events of yesterday can cause us to have an emotional jolt and drag up what was a minor incident, dwell upon it and before we know it we have given that emotion a life of its own, our thoughts have created our own Frankenstein that we are now getting all heated up about and our mind talk is in full swing and almost worthy of an Oscar. Of course in reality it's all quite pathetic, it's all not doing us any good, it's not helping us - in fact it's harming us, it gets us nowhere and it's pure self indulgence, nothing more as we can't alter anything that happened three minutes ago yet alone yesterday or years further past. We can of course not cosset ourselves and as soon as we realise what we are doing it fight it in our minds saying "I'm not going down that route" but for some the temptation to literally go down that route is too strong, to give it just one more go at "getting back" and having that last word, and making you the hero, whilst the other person has been demolished and put out with the garbage or whatever the scenario is.

Whatever we say, we still reflect our past in our conversation no matter how smart we think we are, it matters not, people by and large can 'understand' and because most people are generous thought wise look towards the better side of us now rather than past incidents, yet is that what we really want to be seen as, an acceptable oversight of the past? It's your choice, but like it or not, kid yourself or not, if you never let go of past emotions they will most definitely embed themselves into your present conversations as they will be a reference to your future thinking, and they will also be a part of your perceptions, always not quite attaining what you want because there is that little bit interjecting in between. Never getting what you want or need because the image of utopia no matter how that's devised in the mind doesn't exist, so it plays safe to say what you like knowing it will never come to be. Life today is the stepping stone for tomorrow, don't bring the past with you it's where it should be a memory, and hopefully the bad memories are behind the good ones where they should be.

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John Rushton / The Life Doctor 2011

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