Thursday, 24 February 2011

THE ART OF UNDERSTANDING

There is an art to understanding, it doesn't matter who you are, what you are, your level of intelligence, whatever, we all like to be listened to, whatever it is that we have to say. Our failure to be listened to results in a whole manner of feelings often based upon our negative emotions. ego, frustration, anger, upset, annoyance, pride, self esteem, self worth, self value, and possibly that the other person wasn't interested in us anyway, which yet again throws another dimension on the whole scenario, and so it goes on. We can at times listen to others because what they say sounds fascinating, yet only get the gist of the content as much is beyond or above our comprehension and it leaves us possibly somewhat perplexed as to what it really means even though it kind of sounded plausible. We all have our own point of view, our opinions, our ideals, our morals (or lack of them) our inbread degree of religion (which for most people lets them down in life) and we have our ideas or take on what life is all about. Our mind set, part of which has an historical bearing also attributes to how we view life and where we are, so if life isn't good we think one way, if it's not bad we think another, and if it's fantastic we yet again think another way. We can chop and change as indeed life chops and changes quite frequently. The narrow and dull always fall into the preset levels of good, OK and bad, whereas those that have a few braincells that actually work see life as something encompassing the "bigger picture" and that allowing circumstances to cloud our judgment is literally stifling their way forward and we go into a state dictated by outside circumstances as opposed to us calling the shots, no matter how hard that may be, and it can be at times fighting with one's own mind.

Hearing but not listening is the most common aspect of audible communicational failure, we only want to hear what we want to hear the rest is almost automaically filtered out for whatever reason.Often because it doesn't resonate with our own point of view or that perhaps we haven't acheived the level of understanding that the other person has therefor we put up blocks to counteract it all, or worse still we emotionally respond to it. There's nothing wrong with a heated debate, it often confirms to ourselves our own conviction as to what and how we think on a certain subject, and what the other person says just cements those thoughts as we see trivia trying to make headway as opposed to real substance. However we have to be mindful that we are not always right and even if we are right that the other person has a right to a point of view, even if it transpires that their view is totally "out of bed" and full of stilted emotion, incorrect substance and very pedestrain, we are not here to put others to rights it's best they do it on their own. Our views of topics depending upon the actual content of same can vary enormously depending upon how we feel at any one time, we should only engage in conversation of merit if we know we are going to be active and not subjective in everything pertaining to it, otherwise there will be clashes after the first 30 seconds, change the subject anything or get off the line via an excuse, do it for you.

At times we have a strong mind set based upon our current ideological thinking, this sometimes gives us impetus but at the same time can cloud our judgment it's a fine balance and we must be aware that others may not share at all our overall way of thinking, and our skill at communicating with many is that we say what is expedient to say otherwise it would all fall on deaf ears. Communing with others is a skill, it's an art form, sometimes it's easy, other times we have to be more deliberate because those who want to talk to us are good and genuine people and despite the fact they are not always on our wavelength need due respect and treatment it's what life is all about. To stand on "I am who I am" smacks of selfishness and patheticness of a great magnitude, you can be who you are all you like to the world in general but if you expect others to respect you you must do likewise to them otherwise you will be a self created outcast who is also a miserable sod too. Seeing beyond superficiality at times can generate internal strife as it's hard to quell it and speak in softer rounder tones so that others can equally commune and not feel alienated or spoken / talked to/at in a conversation. But those who can 'see' and 'understand' the bigger picture will understand this and be ready to automatically switch modes like linguists do in translating without much of a bother and thus be proficient speakers taking all in and with precision adequately saying what it pertinent to those listening.  

Understanding who we are and those we come into contact with is essential otherwise we will wend our merry way in life on a tangent only understood by ourselves and then wonder why disord and lack of events and substance never comes our way. Trying to get your point over at all costs is folly, if others sought it they would generate a gap and a point in the conversation for it to happen, so fighting to equal a conversation where your input as a speaker rather than a listener is all too evident tells you that you need to move on, go elsewhere, and somewhere where your opinion is respected, even if it's wrong.

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©John Rushton / The Life Doctor 2011