Saturday, 30 June 2012

YOU AREN'T ALONE

There's a big difference between being alone and feeling lonely, the former is just that - you are alone, with few or no one around you, the latter is a feeling of isolation even in the midst of friends and loved ones where your inner thoughts are cocooned in a dialogue of their own usually linked to a mind condition or a feeling that things aren't going so well. It could however be that you have "moved on" in life and those around you whilst good people don't offer anymore the support you need and the type of camaraderie you require to enjoy life. It's very easy to be judgmental here but "Feeling Alone" is a very personal thing and it's purely down to the individual as to how they perceive life. Sometimes it's the little things in life that can trip us up the most, like the little stones in our shoes, as small as they are they produce great discomfort and we have to literally stop to remove same. Even when everything appears to be going well, we can feel totally "out of it" to the extent that we go through the motions of life and robotically laugh, join in make arrangements etc, whilst at the same time our minds are literally elsewhere, and our thoughts are churning around discussing life and how we best fit in with it all and that 'elusive' goal of satisfaction and completeness or lack of it.

How we perceive life is down to us, this stays with us throughout the whole of our lives so it's vitally important that we get some semblance of understanding as to who we are, where we are and all that surrounds us. If we have a belief then we already know that God is at hand, for those that don't believe or believe in some weird evil religion then you just winge and moan and still nothing happens. The fact that when we go through an ordeal we do feel alone even if at times we come across others who have or are going through the same thing, there's always a 'let out' clause for them but never yourself, it's this 'self' that holds us back. Very few if any at all are experiencing something unique, even if it's unique to ourselves, it's our 'mind-set' and that mind set can be pivotal as to how we pull through, come through or deal with life and enjoy it all at the other end. Nothing lasts for ever be it good or bad, having said that the median in between can give a rewarding life that's fun and productive and sharing amongst fellow man. Even if we go to the doctors and receive some tablets etc, we receive tablets because somewhere there are 1000's of others needing the same remedial drug for the same problem.

There are various "chat lines" and "blogs" and suchlike that are user friendly and directed towards specific topics where people can openly under a pseudonym pour out their problems to like minded souls and receive correspondence of encouragement and help and advice, and at times this can be the best help around. Often knowing that you are not alone can be so elevating that the severity of the problem can be almost halved in a split second. Whether we have a secret fetish, secret desires or feelings which to us are "all out of the ordinary" finding that "other" person or persons can make a world of difference and if we seek we will find, although those others we seek will be hiding in the background so diligence is par for the course. We can be our biggest problem, and we are experts at making up excuses for ourselves and why it's always easier for someone else but in "my" case, it's just not possible or too difficult, and so the pathetic trail of excuses goes on and on and on, and nothing gets resolved. One main element of freeing up the self is to detach oneself literally from the public gaze in as much as you neither want nor need comments or opinions of others who know nothing of your plight even if they know you personally, there's always that little something they don't know and everyone should understand that about everyone else.  

Liberating the self is essential, it doesn't mean making public your feelings nor anything else it just means taking charge of whom you are and walking with it, without explanation to others, which at times others who can actually semi-demand to know what you have been up to and if you don't let on they get upset, so let them, boundaries always need to be respected and if their assessment of you changes then so be it, for at times if you acquiesce to their demand you not only lower your own self esteem they may just not understand and walk away anyway, you have to judge this yourself. On the other side of the fence you may be in a precarious position whereby you need friends just for emotional support but it's essential that you have the right friends and the right quantity and quality of support for if it's too much either way it can become burdensome and topple all you seek as support. Even in times of dire need when the world looms large and you feel so inconsequential you are not by yourself, there are solutions, ways out and as difficult as it is in such a state making a move is a 100% better than doing nothing. The journey of a hundred miles takes one first step, take that step for yourself in nothing else.

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©John Rushton / The Life Doctor 2012
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