Tuesday, 25 January 2011

MORE ON LONELINESS

Loneliness is a creeping condition in that for many they just find that they feel all of a sudden isolated, lonely and at times very fragile for seemingly no reason at all. There are those who are in firmed, live alone miles away from others and those who are housebound that have valid excuses even if it all shouldn't be so to be alone, but for others who are seemingly within a good relationship and have no great problems with health, finance, family, etc, they feel that part of the jigsaw of life is missing and just don't know what to do to find those pieces. And then there are those who are genuinely selfish, mean, thoughtless, precious, self obsessed and down right judgmental that ostracize themselves from just about everyone they come into contact with and still can't understand why they are not liked or not bothered with or asked out or indeed anything else other than being overlooked. The serious side of loneliness in general is that it's affecting a sizeable part of the population in many countries, where it  appears that the degree to which people are realizing that they are not communing well with fellow man is making a significant impact upon their mental health and ability to live a life which is full and fun. The excuse which many throw around is that " I can't find friends like you can" or "there aren't any people around here that I like" or whatever feeble story they throw up is a reflection of themselves and their own inadequacies and staid narrowness and smug attitude that they have. For many loneliness is an ongoing thing, not just a temporary blimp due to changeable circumstances, it's been a simmering aspect of their lives for many years, in fact it could have been evident all through their lives from early onwards.

The new loneliness is however more alarming and that's a degree of loneliness that affects those who are not alone physically and have people who love and care for them and similarly they reciprocate that emotion too. It's a void that exists in the pit of the stomach an ache that needs to be quenched and the void needs to be filled with something that's not only wholesome but contains something that's going to holistically interact with the whole body, mentally, physically and spiritually for without that holistic element a full return to "normality" (whatever that is) will not happen. The feeling is not only disturbing it affects one's continual thought process and views on life, it takes away the sparkle, it nullifies creativity, and it allows despondency and indifference to rule what once was a degree of vibrancy and phlegm. To feel as if one is cocooned in a bubble that separates the self from life the interaction is as such its all a one way event makes life hard to bear and something that others can neither understand nor get to grips with and at times get annoyed by. Yet the feeling of being isolated and not knowing what to do is an almost constant mind set, it permeates everything that dwells in the mind and this in turn takes away potential in every aspect of life, and it's this feeling which also generates depressive thoughts as there isn't a glimmer at times of light in the future, life almost feels robotic.But all is not lost, the answers lie closer to home than one thinks, although answers are not locked away in some saged book written by 'unknown authors' of past repute, the answer is next to that inner feeling that one is currently experiencing.

Frustration is at the best of times exasperating as it's the thought of not being able to forge ahead because of some forward blockage, whether that's real or illusory it matters not, it's still the fact that something is thwarting the road to happiness and fullness and when either are curtailed the mind reacts accordingly. Our minds are both clever and fickle, the bottom line is we are in control of our minds even if at times it appears we are losing our cool and panic almost sets in, we are not losing anything, it's a matter of us not allowing ourselves to get carried away and then reacting to that feeling. Solutions and compromises and basic facts of self reality rarely change, if we were good at something one day we still are even if parameters have changed somewhat, our artistic abilities often get better and our understanding of life gets better too, its just putting all together to find a coherent picture that we can feel comfortable with. Dwelling on problems too much throws us scenarios that can loom large and out of proportion, hence it's always wise to treat life from a lighter perspective that way we can see it all from above and not engrossed in the depths of it seeing in reality very little. It's often the case that one small element in our lives changes or alters and all of a sudden the mist and fog and dread suddenly as if by magic lift, and we feel exuberant and full of fun and vim and vigour. It's this aspect of loneliness that's just so fine that we hold on to that separates us from enjoying life to enduring life, it's that fine. Perspectives are always key points in how we think and view life, and if our perspective is glum then we emotionally act glum, if it's great then we emotionally act accordingly with gusto and vibrancy.


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©John Rushton / The Life Alchemist 2011